Writing To Be Real

This is Writing

2012-01-13T23:53:00.000-08:00

You can write but great writing, the soul-stirring kind, the change people's lives kind, the inspired by God, Holy Spirit infused kind, this kind of writing only comes through vulnerability, being vulnerable, exposed and intentionally willingly to share all that, all you with the world. to me, this is writing in its purest, truest form. This is writing.

Melody Latrice Copenny Copyright ©
Written January 11, 2012

All rights and privileges reserved by author.

Timing is EVERYTHING

2011-12-21T04:40:00.000-08:00

Timing is everything. A undone cake is a sloppy mess. A burnt one, a smokey annoyance. Let God's timing have its perfect work in your life. #momentliving #melodyoriginal

Melody Latrice Copenny Copyright ©
Written December 19, 2011

All rights and privileges reserved by author.

Remember To Breathe

2011-12-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

Photo by Phil Landowski.

The lyrics to this song are very beautiful. Remembered these words this morning while thinking of a dear sister in the faith and godly mentor whose father died unexpectedly this week. I sent these words and the song to her just now.

Praying the words could encourage you as well in those moments where you feel like you can't breathe. And those moments do come and will come. Those moments where unexpected loss and defiant pain appear unapologetic in your life. Those moments where the season to mourn and the season to grieve begin or re-start in your life. Remember to breathe.

Remember To Breathe
Songwriters: Marcus Cole, Luther Mc Bride Hanes

If I told you how I could get you through this
Would you find it hard to believe?
When tears like waves break through painful silence
And you fall down on your knees

Just remember to breathe, remember to breathe
You have what you need inside and you are still alive
So remember to breathe

When truth you believe leaves you wounded and shaken
And it causes you to retreat
When the wind you depended on is suddenly taken
And the blow that was thrown hurts so deep

Just remember to breathe, remember to breathe
You have what you need inside and you are still alive
So remember to breathe

For every moment is a gift
And every precious day that you're here
Don't forget to breathe deeply

With every breath that you take
Know it's never too late for God will make a way
And with one simple kiss your spirit will live again

If I told you now that the night is almost over
And the sun will shine upon your face
Would you promise me that you will dance before the Father?
Because there is so much in life you must embrace

Just remember to breathe, remember to breathe
You have what you need inside and you are still alive
So remember to breathe

So remember to breathe, remember to breathe
You have what you need inside
Yes, you are yet alive, so remember to breathe

For every moment is a gift
And every precious day that you're here
Don't forget to breathe, deeply

With every breath that you take
Know it's never too late for God will make a way
And with one simple kiss your spirit will live again

Listen to the song now.

Welcome To My World: Pt. 2

2011-12-11T06:08:00.000-08:00

Mead Gardens, one of the locations for the video shoot.

Last month, I blogged I'll be featured this December in a special video series at my church. The series highlights four different people's stories from Discovery Church and how God engages and shows up in our everyday, complicated, and messy worlds.

During my video shoot/interview, I learned the series will include a mom who has two kids under the age of 5 and her struggles with where her significance comes from, and a widowed husband working through loss and grief; his wife passed away last year. There's another feature that will also highlight the real life realities another family is dealing with.

For my feature, I was asked to share from the perspective of a single/female/artist/Christ follower/missionary and the current longings and hunger of the soul that accompany that combination. My video shoot took place about two weeks ago on a very beautiful day in Orlando.We did some shots in Winter Park, off Park Avenue and some nearby in Mead Botanical Gardens.

The themes that are addressed in my segment deal with my struggles to live in now - living on "play" when often my heart and mind moves toward the future, wanting to "fast forward" to new things, new experiences not yet begun...dating, being published as a writer, marriage, and becoming a professional full-time writer (um, wow that scares me a little to say that out loud!).

Often I want to go to the next when God is calling me to live in the now. And take care of what my now currently includes as a more intentional woman, steward, and creative. The video shoot took about three hours and required me to condense the thoughts and feelings I had in these areas down into 30 second or less complete and profound statements for the interview. That was challenging but it was so good.

And I began to see how God was speaking to my heart in sweet and intentional ways as I shared my truth on camera. It was like a counseling session with The Holy Spirit as I processed out loud where I was in this part of my story, but also what I'm starting to sense God show me as I experience these desires for my future but ask him how to live in my now and on "play."

My journal was treated like a celebrity during the shoot, lots of
video footage of it and me writing in it.

I also began to see in the answers I gave to the interview questions how God has given me perspective for why it's so important for me to live on "play" now and not "fast forward" to next.

There was one thing God revealed to me and it blew me away even as I spoke it. It went a little something like this: "There are things taking place in my life in this season that wouldn't be possible if just one thing were different about my life right now. There are things I'm called to do in my "now" that I wouldn't be able to do if I were in another season."

In essence, I'm learning and embracing the importance of living on purpose exactly where I am and embracing where God has me. Stewarding my time now and being in the moment of the experiences I've been given now is such a rich gift.

If I spend all my time looking ahead at what I perceive to be the better, the next best thing, I'll foolishly and tragically let incredible moments, people, blessings and experiences slip right through my fingers and not even realize that's happening because I'm too focused on moving to "fast forward."

My new perspective: living on "play" to live on purpose.

I'm choosing from now on to live on "play." The beauty of the music I hear in the place of "play" far outweighs the hurried pace of choppy melodies that come from "fast forwarding" my life. It's funny how you don't realize this because you're too distracted trying to get to that next adventure to realize what a beautiful place you're already living in.

People say often the grass is always greener on the other side, i.e. longings and desires to be someplace else can make those places look better, lusher than where you are dwelling now. But the reality I've found is that the grass ain't greener. Once you get to those grasses I guarantee there will be new grasses your heart begins to look toward, desiring to move you yet again.

We're such fickle people. I'm such a fickle person. Our desires and longings can run and sometimes ruin our lives. I'm thankful for my relationship with God. He keeps my desires balanced in the light of truth and his purposes for me now. Desires are good but they're at their best when they flow in sync with God's "play" button. His button equals incredibly harmony, perfectly at work in the life he's given me.

Mandisa, that's my girl...

2011-12-10T01:25:00.000-08:00

You may remember Mandisa from one of the early seasons of American Idol. She has an amazing voice and God has blessed her with a thriving career in the Contemporary Christian Music industry. This song is from her latest album. She also has lost more than 120 lbs. in the last few years. She inspires me as a beautiful African American woman who's in love with Jesus, but also as a sister like me who's walked this road of weight loss and better health and is seeing incredible results on the other side. I pray this song will be a blessing to you.

nikki giovanni workshop: young black writers

2011-12-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

taken from my personal notes during nikki giovanni's workshop on february 11, 1998, the university of georgia, adinkra hall.

the ability we as young black writers have in today's society: be grateful for our education, the ability to read, the blessing to be at UGA to learn everyday. we have a story to tell. our personal story must reflect something real and worth value. we are Writers. - nikki giovanni

nikki giovanni workshop: a new ending for "the color purple's" ciely

2011-12-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

taken from my personal notes during nikki giovanni's workshop on february 11, 1998, the university of georgia, adinkra hall.

nikki's view on alice walker's portrayal of ciely in "the color purple": she should have killed mister and won the lottery, i'm talking about the book, not the movie. the whole sister, children, missionary theme was stupid. when ciely finds out her stepfather ain't blood does that make the rape of a 12 year-old girl justified? - nikki giovanni

well, that's a very, very different approach to the story's plot, my goodness! but that last part about the stepfather, that's a good point...

nikki giovanni workshop: the under population of africa

2011-12-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

taken from my personal notes during nikki giovanni's workshop on february 11, 1998, the university of georgia, adinkra hall.

the underpopulation of africa: the reason is explained in the way young animal cubs are taken from their parents and groups - to get to one baby elephant you must kill the bull, mother, a few juveniles, and finally you have the calf. how many animals have you killed? 46 or more. the same with the african continent: many fathers and mothers fought and died for their children. the majority of african slaves were juveniles. - nikki giovanni

whew. something to think about, indeed.

Hidden: Part 2

2011-11-29T07:33:00.000-08:00

A friend gave words to me the other day: could it be perhaps, just maybe, the hiding you’re experiencing is not only because of Him but also because of you?

I’d never thought this whole time I could also be hiding myself. But on further reflection, it makes a whole lot of sense.

The idea of love, in its truest sense and the reality of what it requires very much scares me. I want to be known but do I want to take the risk?

I want to be seen but do I want all of me seen, failures, sins, nuances, quirks, bruises, mistakes, the me at times I’m working so very hard not to be?

Poetical refrains and sugary melodies about love to come, love to want, love that is desired in the perfect right one can be down right sappy and selfish sometimes. Toni got it right and right now I don’t want to hear another sad love song on the radio, iPod, MP3 or light-weighted CD.

But I must confess: I’m the biggest offender of them all, all the sappiness and selfishness when I let my perception and self-centered objectives overtake my sensibilities of what and how I want love to come and be.

Love is not about me. Love is not about me. Love is not about me. Love is not about me. Love is about the one who gets it from me in return. Love is giving. Love is living. Love is willing. Love is thrilling. Love is singing. Love is dreaming. At the very core of what it is, it can never, ever be about me.

I own this, I declare this: I’ve been hiding myself just as much as He’s been purposeful to hide me. I’ve been hiding behind what I want love to do for me, never addressing what love requires of me.

I can’t be present and engaging only in the moments where I perceive the type I think fits my puzzle pieces is in close proximity. I gotta be me and all me, available, communicating, real, relevant, the fierce and beautiful deal, not hiding, not pretending, not peeking, but actually being.

Words are a gift: give them well. My friend gave me several on this day, challenging me, prodding me, “You’ll never know when he’ll show up, so scarves and rollers can’t be your cover-up.”

Though 32 years of breaths and eye blinks have passed through me, my years of living quite frankly don’t always match the fears my naïve heart has in giving, giving of self, being bare, vulnerable and completely right there, there in that moment, there in that truth, there ready to be myself without taking another look.

Give of yourself fully. Take the risk. You fear rejection, hurt and damage. But move forward, no second backward glances. Walk toward a heart just trying to find its way from being hidden as well. Just walk. One foot in front of the other. Just walk.

Melody Latrice Copenny Copyright ©
Written November 24, 2011

All rights and privileges reserved by author.

Hidden: Part 1

2011-11-29T07:31:00.000-08:00

Often times I feel hidden, tucked away, a gem surrounded by unseen barriers, enclosures, markings, buffers. I’m seen and yet I feel unseen. I’m known and yet I feel unknown. The markers around me and sealing upon me is not of my own doing. I recognize a Triune plan at work that is purposeful and timed out to the smallest degree. My head gets it but my heart hates it. I want to yell at the top of my three decade-old lungs “I’m here! I’m here! Can you see me? Does anyone see me? I’m beautiful, smart, witty, comical, talented, creative, strategic, innovative, loving, gentle, empathetic, trendsetting and I want to be loved. I want to love. Who will love me? Does anybody see me?”

He keeps me hidden, for a purpose I can’t see and don’t understand right now. My head gets it but my flesh hates it. I know I’m a diamond, a rare gem that’s been refined and developed through the harshest elements and fiercest storms. I know I’m a gift that everyone is not meant to see, only one, the 1 that my Father selects for me. But my heart craves and my soul and flesh ache for the fluid vocal affirmations of a deep, baritone voice now, the vivid, eye-catching glance that accompanies a muscular, chiseled face with delicious lips that say “You are amazing and I gotta get to know you,” the approval of strong hands and the security of firm shoulders that will protect me, embrace me, cover me as his eyes say I belong to him and he wants me, he sees me...he loves me.

And yet, I’m still hidden, still tucked away, not for sale and not on display. And I can’t even put myself on display without my Father’s approval, anything less would create much dismay. So I stay, and I wait and I live and I go and I love and I do and I see all the world has for me to see in its beauty and challenges, joys and meanderings, heartaches, headaches, heartbreaks and soul shakes. I live hidden and yet I’m very much alive. I live hidden and yet very much so alive. I live hidden. I am alive.

By Melody L. Copenny

Written November 21, 2011

Weeding: The Labor & The Lesson

2011-11-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

Photo by Fotocurd.

Weeding is some serious hard work. You're pulling, tugging, grabbing, and almost yelling at defiant weeds that flat out refuse to budge. It feels like their roots run from here to China the way I have to yank and wrestle with them. Sunday morning I got up and got inspired to lay waste to the weeds that have laid haste and occupation over my front and back yards.

I looked at each one with great contempt. I hate weeds. I hate how much work they make you put into getting rid of them. I hate how the little ones are usually the harder ones to uproot. It’s like, “Where do I even start in finding your ridiculous root and pulling you up? Huh, tell me that little weed, tell me that! You annoying, little…” I hate how I have to bend over, stoop low, engage my biceps, stretch my quads and use my hamstring muscles to really get at them. I hate the soreness I feel the next morning in those muscles because of that stupid wicked foliage.

But most of all, I hate that no matter how much hard labor I produce, how much grunting I bellow, huffing, puffing and sighing I do, the weeds are guaranteed to come back. Guaranteed. They are good at being bad, persistent at being not wanted.Weeds will always find a way to come back. Like that solitary one that has the balls, yes, the balls to even grow through a crack in a cemented sidewalk. It’s gotta take some straight up defiance and determination to grow through and maneuver around a rock-like substance, looking, seeking and searching for the right loophole to get through, push through.

Weeds will always find a way to come back. Sin is exactly the same way. At its core, it represents rebellion against God’s love and his truth. It’s driven by selfishness and cares about nothing but feeding its desires. Sin will always find a way to come back, looking for the right moment, the right glance, the right him, the better her, that curve of the lips, the twist of the hips, shoulders broad, voice beckoning, aroma delicious, craving sensation, sweet tingles, savory lingers, salty licks, delicious desires, addictive priorities, perverted persuasions, whatever shape it can take to get into you, sin will do and keep on doing until it gets exactly what it wants: steal, kill and destroy.

Sin will always lead to death, attacking the emotional, mental and physical parts of you to finally get at what really ultimately matters – the spiritual you. If sin can get to this place and kill you spiritually (disabling and handicapping you will also suffice), it's done exactly what it desired to the first moment it tempted you to go with it to that place, that person, that thing that seemed more important than life itself because you had to have it, you had to have that. And sin wants you to believe its lie that it is what you need.

Once you accept this depraved gospel, it appears to be over. Or is it? Just like a front lawn of aesthetic rocks overrun by out of control weeds needs a willing gardener to intervene, our souls need a master gardener too. That gardener is the kind who’s not only willing to weed out the sin and devices that so easily ensnare and trap us, but who's also provided the master weed killer to completely disarm sin, its power and slavery constraints on us. His ultimate killer: his love. Yes, his love. His love covers a multitude of sins and his love gave us his greatest gift ever – his son Jesus the Christ.

Jesus destroyed sin and its power when he sacrificed himself through death by cruxcification to cleanse the world of its sin. God is a loving creator but he's also a just judge. He has no tolerance for sin. And he requires that sin be dealt with, not looked over. He knows it kills the very life he's placed into us. It's like having the perfect, brilliantly white wedding dress and there's this thumbnail size speck of dark brown mud on it. The dress is still white but it's also still dirty. Sin will make you think you can be that dress and look good, minus that one speck of mud, which it tells you no one can see anyway. But the speck does matter because of all it represents: disobedience, rebellion, pride, lust, envy, immorality, murder, strife, jealously and so much more.

There are no specks on God. There are no specks on God. He is light and in him no darkness dwells at all. His greatest desire is that people experience relationship with him. A personal relationship that heals and undoes the damages of sin, builds confidence in trusting him and invites him to pour his purposes and plans into lives surrendered to him. Our specks are criminal in their very nature when placed in front of the holiness of God. The specks of our sin require a just response from God. Sin brings judgement because its essence reeks of evil. Evil and holiness can not dwell together. God and sin can not dwell together. Being in relationship with him means your sin must be dealt with.

But instead of requiring us to receive the punishment of rebelling against him, he did something that didn't make sense. He stood in our place, taking on each and every one of our sins and the punishment that came with them - death. There can be no forgiveness for sins without the shedding of blood. Because of his great love, God shed the blood of his only son Jesus so each one of us would not have to experience the punishment of our sin. His love conquered sin as his judgement against sin was satisfied through Jesus.

Being human doesn't prevent me from making mistakes that cause me to sin against God, myself and others. Living on this side of heaven is still a battle as I walk my faith out. But what it does mean is that I’m not compelled to stay in relationship with sin, bound to it, defenseless against it, or a slave under it. I deal with the very real presence of sin on a constant basis, not just in my life but in the lives of others around me and how sin leads us all to do some really selfish and at times tragic and obscene things. And yet I daily look to the master gardener in my life and I trust him to continue to weed out of me every sin and the effects of sin that his son died to set me free of. In return, he pours into me life as he kills the weeds. He hates them more than I ever could.

All My Single Ladies: The Benefits

2011-11-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, I was challenged by one of my mentors (after I had a mini-meltdown about my current season of singleness, the struggles of living as a Christian woman, trusting in God's timing for a husband, waiting to be revealed to the right one at the right time, when will it be my time, blah, blah, blah), to "Count your blessings as it pertains to your singleness, this will help you focus on the present." Those are some great, soul-shaking, truthful and life-giving words.

Well, I accept that challenge and here's my answer to what those benefits are for me right now:

Photo by Snow In The Desert.

1. The only person's unmentionables i.e. underwear, socks and all others that are worn under clothing as well as worn over undies I'm responsible to clean are my own. No mountains and rolling hills of laundry here for me to maneuver through. At most I do about two to three medium loads a week. Me and my Gain detergent get it in quite nicely and Downy adds to the fun.

2. If I don't feel like cooking, I don't have to. Now, depending on the look of my bank account, eating out may not be an option either (Financial Peace University, I'm holding it down). A bowl of cereal just may have to suffice, but having to prepare a meal or thinking about what I'd need to prepare are thoughts I'm free of.

3. Zoom, zoom, zoom. If I want to get up and go (with God's go ahead, and making sure other responsibilities are taken care of), I can just go. I'm free to hop into social activities, trips, adventures and last minute excursions without needing to figure out how it will affect other familial commitments in my life. I've often been told by married women, especially those with children that the freedom to just "go" whenever and wherever one wants to is such a blessing.

4. Freedom to make financial decisions and purchases. I do have to run things by the Lord quite often and remain accountable to stewardship areas I'm practicing. If I've budgeted well and the "clothing" cash envelope is ready, hello Off Broadway shoes! Here I come, Nine West and Michael Shannon pumps!

5. No runny noses, potty training, or diaper Genies at the moment. As a single woman, the only kids I'm responsible for at present are the ones I teach bi-weekly during DC Kids service at my church (those 5 and 6 year olds are a hot mess), the ones I mentoring weekly at Restore Orlando (more hot mess alerts in progress), and any I'm blessed enough to babysit for dear friends of mine (The Murray tribe, The Restuccia duo, The Johnson comical trio, and The Cushman chicas, come to mind).

6. I have an incredible amount of time available to me to spend time with God and serve him fully. The fact that I can have a four-hour plus quiet time with God if I want to is simply amazing. I've read accounts about wives and moms who can only find those quiet moments alone with God in their bathrooms, the one place they can be alone for some feasible period of time! One wife and mom who had a whole bunch of kids shared that the place she found solitude was literally lifting her apron over her head while sitting on her kitchen floor and communing with God in those moments! Lord have mercy. Whew, to much is given so much is required. I'm thankful for what I've been given and I'm learning to be content where I am.

7. I have an incredible amount of time available to myself! I think this is one of the biggest things a single can take for granted. My time, a part from God's direction, is my own. If I want to sleep in on a Saturday, I say "Bonjour" to my powder blue pillow and lazily lumber toward it while hitting the snooze button. If I want to take a three-hour bike ride with a friend on a Sunday afternoon, Camille (my bike) gets put in the back of Jadon (my car) with the seats pulled down, and I'm off for some Cady Way Trail adventures. If I want to blog on my day off for four to five hours, blog I shall. If I get the inkling to make pizza from scratch with fresh pesto or create my own chocolate covered pretzels as a snack, let's pull out the cutting boards out and get "Cooking for Real" like Ms. Sunny Anderson. If I want to work on my dream board all afternoon, creativity can lead me and it's cutting and pasting to my heart's content. The time that I have available to me is truly an incredible gift. I'm realizing now that I take it for granted way to often.

Canton Jones: The King of Christian Hip Hop
Crunk Music!

8. I can listen to whatever music I wanna in my car. Since I drive solo most days, if I wanna put Canton Jones' "Living Clean" on repeat 10x or MORE, who's there to say "Girl, stop it!,"? I got complete ownership of the 6-Disc CD player and iPod, pow. "You got total control like a puppet master, I'll be the church, let you be the pastor..."

9. I can watch episodes of "Designing Women" on YouTube and laugh my head off silly without getting on a significant other's nerves 'cause they're tired of me singing the "Black man, black man, where did you come from black man? Where did you go?" song that Bernice sings all the time to Anthony. The writing on that show was just incredible.

10. If my bathroom and subsequent hall closet looks like a mini-version of the local pharmacy because of all the beauty products that abound on the counters and shelves, it's okay because all that space is mine, mine, mine! Organizing shelves would help me out a good deal. But I'm cool with the craziness for now.

There are more things I could write as benefits. These are the ones I'm experiencing the most right now. A good friend one said, "The grass is greener on the other side because someone watered it there." My cousin Brian has also said, "The grass is greener on the other side because someone poo-pooed over there too!" For our purposes today, the former challenge is the one we'll stick with! Water the grass where you are now. Focus on the life you have right before you, in this moment. Make that grass green and be present. I believe I see new blades of green popping up for me and more on the horizon.

The Hardest Thing About Writing Is Not Writing

2011-11-22T06:01:00.000-08:00

The hardest thing about writing, in a sense, is not writing. I mean, the sentence is not intended to show you off, you know. It is not supposed to be “look at me!” “Look, no hands!” It’s supposed to be a pipeline between the reader and you. One condition of the sentence is to write so well that no one notices that you’re writing.

JAMES BALDWIN

From the site, Advice To Writers: Writerly Wisdom of The Ages/Collected by Jon Winokur.

Imprinting: Writing Reflections

2011-11-22T04:51:00.000-08:00

Photo by Foster.

Often when I write, I later realize just how real, transparent and vulnerable I become in the words I pen. I set out to always share my truth and the truth of the world I'm experiencing in the things that I write. I'm a writer who writes best when I have something of value to say. Sometimes what I say is simple and short, yet profound and meaningful to me. Other times, the expression comes in lengthy waves and ripples of paragraphs and punctuation marks until all that needs to be said is completely and finally said.

I think you should write when you have something to say. If you don't, be quiet and wait for inspiration and creativity or passion and challenge to come. All four of these often motivate me to pen new words and share ideas. Sometimes the best writing comes as a result of seasons of silence, reflecting, observing and experiencing the world around you. I believe the best writers are those who are skillful observers. To observe and see the world you are in, take in its tastes, sounds, colors, feelings, emotions and translate that to the written word in a form that is not only readable but digest-worthy is a gift.

I can't tell my story or your story if I first don't remain still enough to see that story, feel that story, experience that story. I also believe some of the best writers are attentive and active listeners. Again, it's the beauty of taking the time to be in the moment before you go and create a moment. Being in the moment means I'm giving respect and pause to what's happening around me now so that later I can give more respect to telling the story of that moment and expressing the feelings and lessons learned in that moment in the story my words will weave.

Writing is a gift. And it's a huge responsibility. I write to be real, relevant and reveal. I don't think I can ever write and not tell the truth: my truth, God's truth, the truth of life, the truth of love, the truth of pain, the truth of sin, the truth of loss, the truth of breathing, existing, being, doing, living. I believe in giving me the gift to write God also gave me the gift to tell the truth, in what I write. I've been told by several friends that when they ready my writings they experience my transparency and vulnerability in ways that affect them and change them.

If my truth-telling inspires someone else to tell their truth what an incredible gift in the gift. Sometimes I wonder how telling my truth can affect those whose truth and experiences are also connected and woven into mine, for example family stories, friendship experiences, and the like. I believe in those moments the writer has the great responsibility to still tell truth but tell it in a way that your truth is what you own, protect and communicate. How the truth and experiences of others is woven into your story, you need to express how those things affected you and are shaping you and your experiences even now, but you're not to be the truth-teller of their truth. You can only communicate how your truth has been affected by your experience of their truth. And prayerfully, they will see that and no bridges burned. The power of the written and spoken word is lasting. Use both wisely and be tactful.

These thoughts above came to me after spending some quiet time alone with God this morning and just getting it in with him and wanting to hear what's on his heart. I'm finding more often that from times of intimacy and personal time with him, I'm inspired to create even more. That's beautiful and meaningful to me at the same time. Who better to receive inspiration from or be inspired to create than from the One who gave me the gift to begin with.

Yesterday, after some quiet moments with God, I gave life to two new poems, Hidden and One Day. Both are beautiful, one I'll post on this blog; the other is a bit more personal and may or may not make its way here. We'll see. I have thoughts like these writing reflections often. I will be more intentional to put them down so I can share them with other writers and those seeking to learn how to express themselves through the written form. I pray my reflections today will be a catalyst for someone else's writing tomorrow.

More Imprinting thoughts to come as future blog posts on writing, what writing is to me and writing tips that inspire me to create even more vividly and truthfully come about.

Writing still to be real. ~ m

Just Me Standing Before You

2011-11-22T04:12:00.000-08:00

Stillness is sweet.
Quiet a blessed retreat
Hurting, aching heart,
Shallow, selfish thoughts
Pain that ebbs, tears that flow
Cries that come, then they go
I feel this need to fall down on my knees,
Humility seeks to cover me but pride's still getting the best of me
You're standing there, in front of my broken me
A mess of conspired hopes, self-centered dreams, driven wants and tricky needs,
People I wanted to have, places I was determined to be,
But in the presence of your purposes
What I want is so not what I need.
I'm at the end of myself once again, face to face with who I've come from and where I need to be
The hope of this heart that so easily deceives me needs to be completely free of me
I don't just need less of me, I need none of me,
Only simply my surrender given finally
Devices down, motivations turned off, 5-year plans unpacked and dissembled at the Cross

All of you is what I want
My heart's breaking for a better start
All of you is what I need
All of you
All in me
All of you
All I can see
All of you
Making me free

Take the pebbles that are the pieces of me, smooth them out, crush them strong, fashion me into a brand-new song, say what you want, do as you please, create in me more than just a simple melody, fashion a heart that's clean, restore the beauty inside of me, beckon me forward, just me standing before you, beckon me toward, just me humbled in view of you.

By Melody L. Copenny

In Christ Alone

2011-11-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand

A cover of this song by Mr. Anthony Evans.

Wonderful, Merciful Savior

2011-11-22T03:25:00.000-08:00

Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own
Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne

A cover of this song by Mr. Anthony Evans.

Beautifully Made

2011-11-21T06:23:00.000-08:00

Photo by Cuba Gallery.

I've had those days where I wanted to be someone else,

Not good enough just being me.

And I've had those times when I've looked into a mirror,

Not happy at all at what I'd see...

Because I don't feel special and I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel smart enough, strong enough, good enough, Feel like nothing at all.

But in times like these I come back to the truth that I have found:

I am beautifully and wonderfully made,

I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

You know all about the way that I am feeling,
'Cause you have felt the same way before.
You've been hurt by the things people have said.
You have cried many nights alone on your bed.
You have big dreams, but don't know if they will ever come true.

And you don't feel special, no you don't feel beautiful.
You don't feel smart enough, strong enough, good enough, feel like nothing at all.

But in times like these you come back to the truth that you've found:
You are beautifully and wonderfully made,
Yes, you are beautifully, you are wonderfully made.

La, La, La, La, Laaa
La, La, La, La, Laaa

Sure, you're not famous and you may not be a millionaire,
May not be the smartest one, strongest one, or cutest one, and find your identity else where
And you walk with your head held high,
Say I'll smile because I know that I am wonderfully made, beautifully and wonderfully made

Gonna walk with my head held high
And with a smile on my face
Oh because I know, yes I know, that I am beautiful,
I know that I am beautfully and wonderfully,
Beautifully and wonderfully made
Oh Oh Oh Heee Heee, I know it's true, I know it's true, I'm beautifully made.

Lyrics by Miss Leah Smith from the song "Beautifully Made."

Welcome To My World

2011-11-20T04:34:00.000-08:00

Photo by Cuba Gallery.

There's an upcoming feature at my church this December, "Welcome To My World." In it, the special series will highlight four different people's stories from Discovery Church and how God engages and shows up in their everyday, complicated, messy worlds.

I was asked to share my story from the perspective of a single/female/artist/Christ follower/missionary and the current longings and hunger of the soul that accompany that combination. There are three questions I've been asked to answer and thought my ponderings would also be some great fodder as a blog post:

1. What's the honest longings and frustrations that come from this season of your life? As a writer, I'm constantly seeing and experiencing life through the beauty of words and the "new chapter hope" that storytelling brings. I have these ideals, desires, longings for my life and this season of my life, and there's often the "sweet, perfect ending" that accompanies those desires: a thriving relationship with God where he remains my first love, the start of a wonderfully amazing dating relationship that leads to a godly marriage, a thrilling, successful career in ministry that changes lives and expands God's kingdom. As a single Christian woman, I long to be known, understood, pursued, longed for, desired. My heart and dreams often wander to the future: marriage, motherhood, raising a godly family with eternity in mind, publishing my writings, growing as a writer, developing as a creative. I find myself frequently fast-forwarding in my mind to a future that's fuller, deeper, more significant than the present I'm currently dwelling in. And not that my present is all that shabby, there's fulfillment and there's beauty in my life now. But there's this nagging sense that upcoming chapters of my life are supposed to be happening, parts of my life haven't begun, but there's also this sense that it's not time for those things yet. Living with those honest longings is difficult, and frustrating when I see others in my life beginning their "chapters," toward dating relationships, marriages, honing their craft and talents. The question I often say to myself and ask God is "What about me, what about ME?" Sometimes that question makes me feel so selfish and a bit self-centered. But the heart of the longing is an honest one. And asking that question enables me to be honest with God and myself and speak my truth: There are parts of me that don't feel complete. There are parts of me that feel like I'm missing out on something that others have. And yet God is the one who makes me complete and he's the one who gives the right gifts at the right time in my life. Will I choose to listen to him as he speaks to these parts of me in this season?

2. What do you wish for the future of your life frustrations and longings? I wish God's best, quite honestly for how these frustration and longings will play out in the story that is my life. We have such a small window of time for living on this planet. I want to live intentionally, honestly and passionately in all that I do. The frustrations are real and the longings deep. I wish for God's best and his sovereign plans to unfold for each longing and desire. I have to be honest and admit even when I don't see it myself that my longings sometimes, at their core still contain a root of selfishness and self-centeredness. I don't want to cheapen God's purposes for my life through the application of my selfishness on those purposes. I count it a gift to even be able to recognize this. I pray God's best in the journey.

3. How do you experience hope/God in the midst of the complicated nature of your daily life? The role of the Holy Spirit in my life is a powerfully significant one. He's such a gift, such a gift to the believer. In the midst of the complicated nature of my daily life, I experience his truth, I hear his voice and I'm constantly challenged moment by moment to follow his lead. Many times when I want to move toward the future and those longings, he checks me so quickly, challenging me on how I'm living my present right now. Am I stewarding what he's already given me in this season, in my writings and work I'm supposed to be doing but moving slow on? Am I working in excellence in my job and raising the bar in areas he's given me wisdom and strategy to? Am I fully engaged in the relationships that are in my life right now, in this season? And the most compelling questions: Am I completely in love with the Lord my God? Does he have my entire heart? Am I letting him satisfy me? Is he my first love? Am I rooted and grounded in him? 'Cause if I don't get those answers right nothing else truly matters. He's my foundation and my hope in the midst of all the longings and curve balls that come in the complications of my life. So, God's constantly challenging me through the voice of his Spirit, prodding me, "How are you living your life now Melody?" I step back and I consider anew where I'm at and the truth that to those much is given, much is required. I want to receive so much and yet struggle with what all is required of me as a result. God continues to show me this in fresh ways. I'm learning still.

~ m

The Redbud Writers Guild: Numbers, Numbers…

2011-10-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

Numbers, Numbers… from The Redbud Writers Guild
One of the great ironies that accompanies life as a writer is that there is unrelenting pressure to keep focusing attention on numbers more than words.

Amazon rankings…sales figures…advances…royalty percentages…

Sometimes, those numbers are enjoyable to savor and ponder. But often they become albatrosses, especially if we start using them to measure ourselves against other writers or to help us determine our own worth as a writer.
Read more...

Her.meneutics: The Cult of the O

2011-09-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

Her.meneutics: The Cult of the O - Baptist theologian Russell Moore recently warned, “On the nightstand of a woman in your church, there’s a Christian romance novel and a Bible.” Yet if The New York Times is to be believed, he should have been more concerned with a vibrator on the nightstand.
Read more...

Her.meneutics: Asking God for a Husband

2011-09-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Her.meneutics: Asking God for a Husband - Could fasting and prayer ever be a kind of sin? That was more or less the implication of one person’s response to the news that I had joined a group who weekly fast and pray about marriage and singleness. (And yes, we’re mostly female and mostly single.) Perhaps it seemed like I’d committed myself to asking for a husband each Monday, that I’d found a spiritual guise in which to obsess about singleness and pester God to change things. But here’s why I don’t think we’re a bunch of women trying to apply The Prayer of Jabez to our love lives.
Read more...

put a ring on it

2011-09-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

Photo by Joel R. Terrell.

as a 32-year old spiritually mature, intelligent, engaging, witty, attractive and focused young woman, it makes me quite curious and amused when those more seasoned than i come right out and ask me about my love life or often, its "non-existent" state. usually, friends and family who are married will ask the question, "mel, when YOU gon' start dating girl?" or "when you gon' get married? you do want to marry, don't cha?"

and then, I begin my reply, which usually sounds something like, "oh, i am SO ready and want to know myself when is he coming! i want to and am ready to!" and then we talk more and they tell me their thoughts on what God's best will be for me in a mate, and i share what i don't want (aka to be a pastor's wife; funny how many people have told me they see me as such...i politely rebuke them), and we laugh, and they say they will pray and i shoot a silent prayer to the Lord that says something like, "when Lord, when???"

beyonce's told us her truth on the matter: "cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it"...um, not gon' spend too much time trying to figure out what "it" is, but i get the girl's point. it really does comes down to the time-tested biblical truth that when man finds a wife, he finds a good thing, finds favor with the Lord, and promptly puts a ring on it. yet, spending my days pondering when it will be my turn to get a ring on it isn't the healthiest way to move forward in this journey of trusting God for my future and for my mate. i've had people share that they pray every day for their future spouses, people they have not yet met. uh, i ain't that holy. or that disciplined. i've also been told that the things you pray for in a spouse should be things you too are asking God to help you become and grow into. that's pretty reasonable.

for me, right now in this season of my life, when i think of marriage, commitment, becoming a wife and starting a godly family, what stands out the most to me is eternity. i desire to fulfill those roles with eternity in mind. really, that is all that is gonna matter. and leaving a godly legacy for my family and those who'll come after me. and i think about other stuff too...how much life will change, the good, the bad, and the whattheworld.com's to come. but i also think about the truth that God is very specific and intentional about every season he creates and leads us to in our lives. he knows the best time, the best place and the best people for each season. husbands included.

some would say, "oh, well faith without action is dead and if you want to be married, you need to put yourself in places to be seen and show that you're available and engaging and interested." from the eharmony and match.com's to gatherings of young professionals and everything in between, some say jump in, go deep and be known. i say stay grounded, be discerning and listen to the Holy Spirit. he is the voice of truth and he leads us into all truth. he knows what's best for me and often times (um, let's be truthful...ALL THE TIMES), he sets things up waaaay better than i ever could.

am i ready for a ring on that left ring finger right now? i'd like to say absolutely, but honestly, i believe only God knows. and following his lead will always be best for me. am i ready to engage in a friendship right now that could develop into a committed dating relationship? oh yeah, most def. sign me up. i think. uh, yes, yes, i'm ready. um, i hope i am. or am i? wheeew. so thankful i have a father who knows me better than i know myself. when the time is right, by golly, it's gon' be right. he's writing the chapters that compose the story of my life; i'm bringing those pages to life. the journey continues.

"Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh..." ~ m

metaphor: a real relationship

2011-09-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

Photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian.

picking up a weathered yet still sturdy, small paperback book with folded corner pages for parts of a story loved most and a creased, torn cover that shows the reading miles traveled is like visiting that one special friend where the years between have been wide, but the intimacy of being willingly known and fully understood has gone deeper. and so, they know you & you know them. and the reading continues.

~ m

Opposition for The Creative

2011-08-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

opposition is a constant in living. life is simply really hard at times. a recent convo with my friend rob reminded me of this. and that life is full of resistance, especially if you're a creative. i asked God this week is it - life and living the gospel and making known the gospel - REALLY supposed to be this hard because one is doing the right thing, and opposition is opposing because that is what opposition does? OR is it this hard because there's a next chapter beginning that i'm designed for and something new is in the works? hmmm, morning musings from an writer...that is all.

~ m

Melody Original

2011-08-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

Words that came in reflection to me while I drove to my friend Jo's home. Penned them late Thursday night, August 18, 2011:

"i'm finding that roads which once led to pain and loss and heartache now lead to newness and anticipation and the unadorned beauty of fresh hope. life, better yet, God himself is showing me that pain will give way to something indescribable by speech but recognizable by the heart. it's the whisper of healing."

Written by Melody L. Copenny

Michael

2011-06-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

As the two-year anniversary nears of the passing of music's greatest icon, how fitting to post on this blog a personal reflective piece by me about the King of Pop. It's amazing what social media can capture from fans. According to Facebook, at 5:00am, EST on June 13, 2011, 35,834,206 people "like" Michael Jackson's official web site. That's something serious right there, 35 million people.

Written June 26, 2009 - The tangible patches of my memory take me back to a place where I'm six years old. I see the summer sun, feel its warmth and I hear a beautiful, medium tempo pulse-driving beat. The rhythm of the melody before the words of the song even begin makes me wanna shake my little hips, jump from my toes and snap my tiny fingers.

Courtesy of www.michaeljackson.com.
© 2011 Sony Music Entertainment. All Rights Reserved.

A beautiful brown-skinned child, naïve to the world and in love with a song that had soul, that had pull, that had motion, better yet, emotion - and I felt it, I swayed it, I loved it. I fell in love with a classic, "Rock With You," yes, being all of six years old, but I knew this song was special and I knew and loved Michael Joseph Jackson because he was so incredibly special too.

Millions around the planet continue to ponder and wrestle with the painful reality that the King of Pop has died. A reality that is all too soon, way too unbelievable and unmistakably devastating for his family, friends, the music and artistic industries, and the millions of fans he's left behind around the world.

When I heard the news, it seemed like a film strip of images, video clips, facts and my own personal feelings and memories about this uniquely talented and gifted man played through my mind at one time. All the music, all the memories, all the influences he had from that white rhinestone glove, to those fluid and precise dance moves that are mimicked to this day, and even to that infectious, soulful and so amazing falsetto voice.

But the single, most vivid thought that continued to pervade my head and prick my heart wasn't how many #1 hits this man has made, how Thriller is the best selling album of all time (50 million copies, to be exact), how his music, from the early days with his brothers to his later solo career, has defined and set a mold for generations of Pop, Rock, R&B, and Rap music, choreography and culture, or how incredibly gifted and talented he was.

No, what made me distance myself from the media frenzy and information overload upon the news of his death was this question: How did he live his life for the One who truly mattered? I thought about God and what type of relationship Michael had with him. I thought about this incredibly gifted, musically inclined, creatively talented individual and I wondered did he truly, really know the One who gave him all that talent, who put into him all that rhythm, all that love for music to express and create himself, did he truly know in a personal way the One who fashioned him in his mother's womb, knew his name before he had a name, knew him from the core of his being and loved him?

I soon landed my vivid mental airplane of thoughts on a runway that made me pause in contemplative suspension. By faith and grace alone, I have a personal relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ. This relationship is not based on what I bring to the table, not based on how good I can be, not based on how much money I can make, but is simply based on the fact that the one true and living God, the God of The Bible, the Triune God - God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, loves me.

He loves me, always has and has fashioned an incredible plan for my life. In loving me, He also knows that I'm inherently sinful, broken, and depraved at the core of my soul and my entire being. Whew. And as such, I'm in desperate need of rescue, desperate need of being saved, desperate need of having a Savior to free me from the destruction, evil, bondage and death that my sin, my choices, my decisions to live a part from Him and suffer the consequences of my actions will undeniably lead me to.

In loving me and loving this entire world that He's made, and the billions of people that have graced the stage of life on this planet since He made it, including Michael, God gave us the Savior, the rescue that we needed, He gave this to us through His Son, His only Son, Jesus Christ. And it is through this Son that He flipped the script, and instead of us being the ones to suffer the anguish, the pain, the ruthless and horrific consequences, feelings and suffering of our sins - past, present and future, Jesus Christ bore these sins, these choices of ours, on a criminal's cross for us.

He died, one who was sinless and knew no sin, he gave up his life willingly and died for sinners because he loved us that much. But he didn't stay dead. He rose on the third day of his death, was resurrected by the God of Life, the one who created life, and through Christ's death, burial and resurrection, we were given eternal life as gift from God.

Jesus became the bridge for us to cross over and be free from the evil and death that our sins would lead us to, and instead enabled us to run to God, the One who has always loved us, always wanted the best for us, always made Himself available to be known to us, and has always wanted to be in relationship with us -us, His created, us, fashioned in His own image, us, given His breath of life, us, given the secured hope of eternal life with Him through His Son Jesus Christ.

And each of us has a personal choice to make this side of heaven, a choice of whether we desire God, whether we want to be in relationship with Him and will accept the gift He's provided us through His Son Jesus Christ. God's desire is that none perish, that no one be separated from Him. In The Bible, John 3:16 speaks to this vividly:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

But, He also has given us the gift of free will, and we can choose if we want to know Him or if we would rather not. Choosing the latter means we are saying with our own mouths that we do not want to be in God's presence, that we do not want the gift of salvation, the forgiveness of our sins, and the eternal life that He so desperately wants to give us. Any place a part from God's love, presence, light and life is not a place anyone should desire, nor want to be. And in the face of the reality that people will choose to receive Him or not, God continues to pursue each and every one of us on this planet in a distinct and personal way, revealing Himself and giving Himself to those who will receive Him.

Other remedies, other religions, other beliefs, or lack of belief really can't cut it, can't do for us what only He can do. Each of us, whether we want to admit it or not, has a God-shaped hole in our hearts and souls that sex, money, fame, relationships, technology, careers, addictions, other people, music, talents, food, drugs, abilities, alcohol, beliefs and anything else you could find and attempt to put there can never fill. He was made to fill this place because He created it in us for Him, a desperate need for Him that nothing else can ever satisfy.

I reflect and I wonder was Michael's God-shaped hole filled before he passed on from this life into eternity? Did Michael have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? His life speaks volumes of accomplishments through music, artistry, along with benevolence for charity, helping the less fortunate, desiring to better care for the planet and make it better for the generations of children to come.

The later years of his life also speak to financial distractions and challenges, deep hurts, painful accusations, and a passionate desire to re-ignite a stellar career to a higher level that millions were sitting on the edge of their seats ready and willing to experience. People wanted to hold on to a belief, a prayer that this music child prodigy who became an incredibly talented man would be invincible, that this idol, icon, megastar, king - that the world has made him to be -would, could live on…forever.

In his music, his artistry and gift shall indeed remain timeless. But Michael was not invincible and he was not immortal. None of us are. Our mortality is one harsh reality of this world as it presently is. There is a season to live and there is a season to die. But I must tell you, I must, I must say that for those who are in Christ Jesus, physical death is not the end of the story. It is only the beginning. And I'm not talking about reincarnation or anything like that. I'm talking about God's promise to those who place their faith and their trust in Him through His Son Jesus Christ. And this promise is this:

"Anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He will not be found guilty. He has crossed over from death to life." - John 5:24

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." - Revelation 21:3-4

Michael Jackson's 50 years were made just for him, and there will not be another like him. For those of us left behind with purposes and journeys before us still to live, I challenge you from this point on to live it, do it, be it differently than you have before. For those who believe, follow and have placed their faith in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you know what's up and what He requires of us. The Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20) isn't an option, it's a command and the time is short. Your life must be lived through the lens of Christ, everything you have done, are doing and will do, means nothing if He isn't at the center of it and if those things you do aren't propelling you forward even more to love, serve and tell more people about Him.

For those who are searching for truth, searching for more, searching for God and curious about who Jesus is, I invite you make what can be the most important decision of your entire life, and today choose God. It's simple to do:

1. Recognize and admit you need to be forgiven of your sins.

2. Admit you can do nothing on your own to free yourself from your sins.

3. Turn away from your sins (repentance) and place your trust in Jesus Christ alone.

4. When you trust Christ, you receive His complete forgiveness and an eternal relationship with God.

Knowing intellectually that Jesus Christ is the Son of God is not enough. Having an emotional experience will not change your destiny and allow you to experience His love, peace and freedom.

We receive Jesus Christ by faith, as an act of our will. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer, and prayer is just simply talking with God. God is not as concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart.

Here is a suggested prayer:
Jesus Christ, I need you. I confess that I have sinned against you and have been running my own life and have sinned against You. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please come into my life and forgive my sins and set me free. Begin directing my life. Change my destiny. Make me into the person you created me to be. Thank you for answering my prayer by coming into my life and giving me eternal life. Amen.

Does this prayer express your heart's desire? If it does, pray this prayer right now and Christ will come into your life, as He promised.

If you prayed this prayer, guess what? You're now an official new member of God's family and there are angels in heaven rejoicing madly with excitement and gladness for you, yes you! This relationship with God is one of the most exhilarating and life-changing experiences you will ever have and you're not made to live it alone. There's an incredible body of believers all around this world who love God, are serving Him and love you too. Fellowship with other believers is incredibly vital to your new life in Christ and your growing relationship with God. There are several resources that I and other believers can provide you with as you begin growing in God.

And, for those who have decided at this point, the God-thing is not for you, Jesus can't possibly be the only way to God, you don't believe there is a God, or you feel you're doing life pretty fine without Him, I encourage you and I urge to consider your stance again. Consider God. And consider that for every question you have, every problem or issue you have, even with Him, He has an answer. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you, exactly where you are. I do believe if you seek Him, you will find Him.

June 25, 2009 marked the end of a memorable and unique era in music history. Michael Jackson is gone. But my prayer is that many, many, many more lives would be transformed and changed for eternity, not because of this man or his music, but because as people search to make sense of his death, they would seek out the One who authors life and conquered death, the God who outlines our comings and our goings, shapes our days and our nights, sees and rejoices for our successes, weeps with us through our failures and hurts, the God who loves each and every one of us individually, uniquely and passionately.

The God who gave His Son's life to completely demolish sin, annihilate and defeat it, because we didn't have the strength, ability or power within us to do so for ourselves. And so, I ask that you consider the bigger picture of Michael's life and the bigger picture of your life: I ask that you would choose God and that you'd do so today. Don't bank on tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Live today as if it's all you got and live it completely, boldly and recklessly abandoned to Him.Choose well, choose life and I pray you choose Him.

sometimes...

2011-06-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

thoughts in process i penned on may 18, 2011:

sometimes, one of the biggest challenges in life is dealing with a potential enemy that's not external but instead internal, in the body. such is the wrestling those who are sick, ailing or infirmed must work through. be it a physical affliction, an identified disease, a persistent syndrome, a lingering emotional burden, to know your own body is the culprit is quite shocking, discouraging and debilitating indeed.
i am in awe that God would grant me the gift and the space to experience this type of journey in this season of my life, at the age of 31. a scan this friday will determine what is the culprit behind the abnormal mass in my lower left abdomen area. it could be fibroid related. it could be something else. and yet, i'm experiencing the same type of worry, concern, disbelief, sadness and undone heart many experience when they learn their bodies are too, so affected by the result of the fall and the entrance of sin in the world.

our bodies became just as prone to attack by sin and its affects that lead to destruction and decay, just as much as our souls are. it is hard to realize my body, even if it's not intentionally doing it, is betraying me with this abnormal mass. maybe it's too much fibroid muscle growing in my uterus, an ailment that afflicts many women of color. maybe it is something else.

what i must hold fast two in this day three of accepting and walking this road of reality toward the scan is that my God is in control and He, the self-existing one is my help. that is truth. that is truth. i am also in awe that He would grace me with the gift of writing to pen in words emotions, feelings, struggles, joys, faith and hope in this journey that many are also experiencing but don't know how to describe. i am honored for the gift of this struggle and the way it makes me cling to Him in faith, because it will be a testament of His love, power and glory to those around me and those to come. may i use my voice well. ~ m

*update: scan from the week of may 18, led to a GYN specialist referral, which led to a second specialist referral to another GYN physician, skilled in female reproductive health. that appointment confirmed i do have fibroids, and has now produced two upcoming exams/tests the week of june 10. these exams will identify how many fibroids and how they are growing, which will then provide direction on the best treatment for them. the journey continues.

"Changes"

2011-05-19T11:15:00.001-07:00

I have friends that have families.
I have friends that have babies.
I have friends that have husbands.
I have friends that at times I don’t feel I have much in common with anymore.

Changes...hmm, they are hard to deal with.

I feel sometimes their lives are moving fast, too fast beyond mine.
I want to compare but you know who always loses out when you do that: you.
I want to catch up, but that is hard to do without a husband and babies of my own.

I feel left out. And yet, I feel very comfortable and secure in where my life is right now.

Secure in my singleness.
Secure in my freedom.
Secure in my choices.
Secure in my time.
Secure in my space.
Secure in my creativity.
Secure in my spontaneity.
Secure in my responsibilities.
Secure in my peace.

Secure in my hope.
Secure in my passions.
Secure in being secure that when the time is right and God says it is so, the next chapter in my life will begin.

For His reason, I’m not in the season they are in.

And that season is a hard one for them at times; I see them from a distance.
I see the joy, but also the sacrifice, the smiles, but also the fatigue.
The putting others first before yourself, the tension of capacity versus assignment.
The wearied eyes, and sleepless nights, the nursing, the poo-poo diapers, the home cooked meals, the Mt. Kilimanjaro peaks of laundry piles, the coupon-clipping, the hot dog boiling, the string-cheese buying, the Cheerio snack cups, the family vans, the sipee cups, children’s DVDs, the intentional discipling of little hearts, the purposeful lovemaking, the availability for the searching and longing arms and hands and bodies of husbands that need you, the search for quiet space to have personal God-moments, sweet devotionals, 5 minute solitude in a world of busyness and needs and wants and pulls all from you toward others that require your presence and action in their lives. I see this from a distance and I realize it is a calling and it is timely and God knows when one is ready for such a commitment, such a sacrifice, such a role of a lifetime.

I mourn that I can’t share in their season of life with a similar season of life in my own world right now. A little twinge of envy rises up on occasion. But my heart does leap at the hope of sharing with sisters in the future who’ll enter this season of life at the same time I will. And God knows. We will be an encouragement to each other. And those who have gone before can instruct and encourage us with their wisdom gained in seasons past.

Changes can be good, even though they are hard.

Written by Melody L. Copenny
© April 28, 2011

Give Up or Go Deep?

2011-05-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

God told me this morning something that I pray blesses you: He wants us to spend time with Him. He wants us to know Him. He wants us to see who He is in His Word. He wants us to study the Word with other believers and be trained by it and knowledgeable in it.

I'm still in awe of the Beth Moore study, "Stepping Up" I just finished last week. It started March 30th, required daily commitment to do the homework (I was quite inconsistent and undisciplined at times), and weekly commitment to attend group studies/video sessions (I missed at least 3).

At one point I thought, "I should just give up, let this study go." But God encouraged me to stick it out, even when I missed my homework, even when I missed a session. The truths of the Psalms and understanding them better were reasons enough for God to have me stick it out.

He also gently spoke and said He would be my Bible study teacher after the study ended, walking with me through the lessons I missed. Ultimately, He wants me to know Him MORE. I'd already planned to start working through the study this week, before news came yesterday from my physician. During my annual exam, she felt a mass near my lower abdomen on my left side. She believes it's fibroid-uterine related.

I'll be going this Friday for a CT scan to determine what the mass is and what treatment is best. Monday afternoon was an up and down one indeed, emotions everywhere, all over the place. But faith steadied me, especially when I picked up my "Stepping Up" study workbook and was calmed by the truths in it. How alive my eyes and heart are to God's voice in this study as I walk through it and review it now, especially in a time such as this. It is amazing to be reminded of God's promises to me through a $15 Bible study that I almost gave up on.

It's in the challenging moments we will need that which we call on to be true, steady and run deep in dependability. If we're calling on faith that's been developed, strengthened, and poured into regularly by regular time with God, what we receive is peace and hope from Him. The relationship of spending time with Him has built the confidence of depending on Him, even with the hard spots.

But if we're grasping and pulling on faith that's lean, shallow and not tested, we will wrestle and struggle. God is still near, but He is yet beckoning us to go deeper, come closer, and know Him. James 1:2,3 reminded me it's not a matter of if trials of various kinds will come...it's a matter of when. They are promised to come. Sometimes, the bottom will fall out. But God is faithful to cover the hole with His powerful hand. May we all go deep. I pray we all would.

A girl with her hope in the Lord. ~ m

Bible teacher Beth Moore tells us, "The grace of God is like manna

in the wilderness: It is always given on demand, exactly when it's needed...

keep walking. Keep putting one foot ahead of the other, all the while,

you sing. Set your heart on pilgrimage. We are not stuck..."

"Undone"

2011-05-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

My emotions come and I feel washed over, pulled in, overtaken by feelings that want out, tears that cry "give us free" and yet my stubborn butt refuses to budge.

I don't want the heaves. I don't want the lost speech greatly covered by whimpers and hiccups of try-to-stifle cries and sobs. I don't want them free because then, in that moment, I become undone.

Undone. And when undone I'm no longer in control. I have to surrender to a process of life that was built into me to help me cope and live and breathe. I have to surrender to the pain because the pain makes me alive. The pain reminds me there's more to this thing than just me.

So, I have to be undone. And I gotta let the water flow. Um, emotions, you are free to evacuate these premises, in 5-4-3-2-1...

Written by Melody L. Copenny
May 1, 2011

me, the beach and patrice...

2011-04-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

recently had the chance to spend some concerted time on florida's east coast, in melbourne beach. great times, sweet beach.

this was the beginning of a very hot mess alert in progress photo taking session...

Being distracted by the Blackberry.

Mmmmm, the beach.

synergy: EZERS, it's time to stand up

2011-04-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

this is the heartbeat behind the synergy network. join the movement.

could you LOVE like this?

2011-04-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

i viewed this on Good Friday. was not expecting it to move me the way it did. at the close of the short movie, i was in tears. curious at how it will speak to you. ~ m

a thought that came to mind...

2011-03-28T07:59:00.001-07:00

"Depravity is no laughing matter." - Melody L. Copenny

The Discipline of Confession

2011-03-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

Photo by Jean Carneiro.

I never wanted to never read a book so badly. I would find all kinds of reasons not to. And yet, it was required reading for a leadership development time I was engaged in some years ago. Even the title made me shirk away from it: Celebration of Discipline. Who in their right mind would want to celebrate discipline? That's a hot mess. I ran from the book, procrastinated, found reasons to avoid it because the notion of it irked me, and actually ended up not needing to read it at all for my training. Whew. A mighty sigh of relief. But that book continued to make its presence known in my life, always popping up in view as I sorted through items in my bedroom, always laying a tug in my heart to read it, always creating interest in me to really want to know what it was about.

So, I recently put it, this most detestable book, in the one place where I figured I'd always find the time to read it: my bathroom. I doubt I'm the only person on earth that reads while taking care of business. I just may be one of the few who doesn't think too much about saying that out loud to others. Well, reading in this place of quiet and free from distraction is shaking my world. I've intentionally placed the book on my bathroom counter so that it's the first thing I see before the Essence, Ebony and Women's Health magazines, and Hill Harper's The Conversation, and Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest beckon me.

I want to see this book, I need to see this book, I need to be reminded that I need discipline to invade every nook and cranny of my living, even when I deceive myself into thinking I'm managing my life as a believer just fine without it. I need to see past the deceit and see my need for true freedom, and ironically the freedom I need most comes quickest when I submit myself to the discipline of engaging in God's spiritual disciplines:

The Inward Disciplines
1. Meditation

2. Prayer

3. Fasting

4. Study

The Outward Disciplines
5. Simplicity

6. Solitude

7. Submission

8. Service

The Corporate Disciplines
9. Confession

10. Worship

11. Guidance

12. Celebration

I knew I loved to celebrate for a reason. It's a discipline! If I had my way, that would be the only discipline I'd engage in on a regular basis. In my new relationship with this book I once hated to read because of its call to discipline, I now found myself drawn to its chapters, not in sequential order, but through the capricious flipping of pages that would land me in different destinations: one morning, viewing the Discipline of Solitude, another evening, viewing the Discipline of Confession, and it's the latter that recently has brought a shaken-up-of-sorts in my world. Confession, like water, covers and cleanses. It removes the dirty, dissolves impurities and renews and regenerates.

Photo by Piotr Menduck.

This past Monday morning I had a time of prayer with God. The day before, from a conversation I had with a friend, sharing my life with her, I shared things I'd long forgotten. One thing, in particular, came back to memory in the Monday prayer time with God. I was led to scan back over my life, childhood, teen, young adult and current adult years and examine the areas where I'd experienced willful, deliberate sin by commission (sin I purposefully did). I also examined areas of my life where I'd been sinned against by offense, hurt by others and negatively imprinted upon. There's another type of sin, the sin of omission and purposefully not doing things and sinning in that way as well.

I believe by faith that I am fully redeemed, completely forgiven and totally cleansed of all my sins, past, present and future. But there's a deeper reality that also exists: there's a freedom that comes in looking at one's own life through the lens of the gospel, the atonement of Jesus Christ, the holiness of God and seeing anew those broken places, those willful spaces where sin was allowed to dwell. I've encountered feelings of grief, remorse and mourning looking back at my sins of commission, not because I feel condemned, but because I agree with God and experience His heart of sadness and grief over that sin. I also experience His sadness over the sin committed against me by others and the sin I committed against others.

There have been moments where the creepy, crawly, slithering natures of condemnation, shame and guilt desire to overwhelm my heart during such retrospection. But immediately, truth steps in through God's Holy Spirit, and He immediately reminds me what is true of me: Because of Christ and His redemption, I am completely forgiven and fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. (Excerpt from The Search for Significance).

This truth hits the heart and head immediately. But there is still a walking out that must be done, and above all, a commitment to believe the truth is true, by faith, even if the heart or mind continue to struggle with the past and the present. The truth is true. God says all who believe in His Son are forgiven of their sins and He will not count them against us. In my prayer time Monday, looking back and looking at, I confessed and stated what happened, what I did, what was done to me and what I didn't do.

There came such power and freedom to call by name that sin which I knew by faith was already conquered and disarmed when Christ died on the cross for my sins and sins of the world. But in that moment it became actualized as my sin or how I was sinned against. I had the most awesome privilege of working out my salvation through the authority of prayer and the discipline of confession to put it all on the cross, to call it what it was (death and sin), and call it what it became the moment Christ died for it: forgiven.

There are still more things God is bringing to my memory that He wants me to share verbally with Him in prayer, to confess it, to say it happened by me, to me, or not by me when I should have done something in obedience. And so I know this discipline of Confession is at work in my life right now, in this moment, in this season.

I found myself thinking today in quiet time reflection, "Do I confess enough to the Lord? Do I daily evaluate and review my days at their close each night and ask the Holy Spirit to show me sin, hidden in my heart? Do I search for sin in my life to call it out before God? How does He want me to grow more so that I do?" I already have the answer to the first question: no, I don't. Even now, I see in my heart a sin that has been hiding in me for the last two weeks, one that I felt okay with because it seemed more like an opinion than a sin.

Yet God, because this thing keeps staying on my mind, is making it very clear it is much more than that. It is sin and it can't stay. I need to confess this and I need to do it now:

Father, in Jesus' name, I confess thoughts, feelings and an opinion I've maintained in my prideful, deceitful and wicked heart. My heart is dirty and above all things, it is deceitful. It makes me believe things that are not true to make me appear as better than I am and better than others than I am, and the better choice. You know exactly what I speak of, and now I confess and agree with you that I'm wrong and holding onto that opinion has been wrong. Forgive me in Jesus' name. You are faithful. You forgive. You cleanse me from all unrighteousness when I confess my sin. Thank you for forgiving me, amen.

And just like that, in that moment, I experience the freedom of confession and the healing of confession. This discipline is mind-blowing and soul-shaking. But most important, for me, it's heart-cleansing. I think you would benefit from an excerpt from the chapter on confession in Celebration of Discipline. This section, in particular resonated loudly with me:

Diary of a Confession (Book Excerpt)
Although I had read in the Bible about the ministry of confession in the Christian brotherhood, I had never experienced it until I was pastoring a church. I did not take the difficult step of laying bare my inner life to another out of any deep burden or sense of sin. I did not feel there was anything wrong in the least - except one thing. I longed for more power to do the work of God. I felt inadequate to deal with many of the desperate needs that confronted me.

There had to be more spiritual resources than I was experiencing (and I'd had all the Holy Spirit experiences you're supposed to have; you name them, I'd had them!). "Lord," I prayed, "is there more you want to bring into my life? I want to be conquered and ruled by you. If there is anything blocking the flow of your power, reveal it to me." He did. Not by an audible voice or even through any human voice, but simply by a growing impression that perhaps something in my past was impeding the flow of his life.

So I devised a plan. I divided my life into three periods: childhood, adolescence, adulthood. On the first day I came before God in prayer and meditation, pencil and paper in hand. Inviting him to reveal to me anything during my childhood that needed either forgiveness or healing or both, I waited in absolute silence for some ten minutes. Anything about my childhood that surfaced to my conscious mind, I wrote down. I made no attempt to analyze the items or put any value judgment on them.

My assurance was that God would reveal anything that needed his healing touch. Having finished, I put the pencil and paper down for the day. The next day I went through the same exercise for my adolescent years, and the third day for my adult years. Paper in hand, I then went to a dear brother in Christ. I had made arrangements with him a week ahead so he understood the purpose of our meeting.

Slowly, sometimes painfully, I read my sheet, adding only those comments necessary to make the sin clear. When I had finished, I began to return the paper to my briefcase. Wisely, my counselor/confessor gently stopped my hand and took the sheet of paper. Without a word he took a wastebasket, and, as I watched, he tore the paper into hundreds of tiny pieces and dropped them into it. That powerful, nonverbal expression of forgiveness was followed by a simple absolution. My sins, I knew, were as far away as the east is from the west.

Next, my friend, with the laying on of hands, prayed a prayer of healing for all the sorrows and hurts of the past. The power of that prayer lives with me today. I cannot say I experienced any dramatic feelings. I did not. In fact, the entire experience was an act of sheer obedience with no compelling feelings in the least. But I am convinced that it set me free in ways I had not known before.

It seemed that I was released to explore what were for me new and uncharted regions of the Spirit. Following that event, I began to move into several of the Disciplines described in this book that I had never experienced before. Was there a casual connection? I do not know, and frankly I do not care. It is enough to have obeyed the inner prompting from above.

There was one interesting sidelight. The exposure of my humanity evidently sparked a freedom in my counselor/friend, for, directly following his prayer for me, he was able to express a deep and troubling sin that he had been unable to confess until then. Freedom begets freedom. (End of book excerpt)

Photo by Susanne Nilsjo.

Inhale: breathe deeply in. Exhale: breathe deeply out. That is how the confession of sin feels for the soul. It's clean, freshly sweet air, a new wind from a better direction, a calming stream, a cooling, consistent breeze. This little book by Richard J. Foster that I so hated to read because the word "discipline" annoyed me, beckoned me to a greater level of responsibility that I dared not wanted to move towards has now set me free in ways I couldn't believe imaginable years ago. Not because God couldn't do the work of freedom, but because I was too stubborn to walk through those doors on my own.

I am challenged by the author to make myself available to regularly sense any impressions God could be making on me that cause me to ask if something in my past is impeding the flow of His life in me. As He makes those forgotten things known again, I want to call them out, call them sins, call them hurts, and then call them forgiven, call them healed, and call and declare myself more whole than I was before. In one of the most ordinary places of my life, my bathroom, I've met freedom and forgiveness sitting next to a porcelain tub and shower. And I've newly embraced a discipline that's always embraced me: "Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin." - Romans 4: 7,8

~ m

the last ones: my journey in weight loss and healthy eating

2011-03-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

Photo by Rob Owen-Wahl.

i've been on a journey the last two and 1/2 years. it's a journey of freedom, discovery, hardship, discipline and re-learning self-control. it's a journey of going from being 251 lbs. and moving toward my goal weight of 196 lbs. being tall has given me the advantage of carrying my weight in ways that don't make it seem like i've been overweight, but the scale doesn't lie.
the journey began july 2009 and since then i've lost about 20 lbs. and have kept those pounds off. as i've lost the weight, i've also begun to see reasons why i've looked to food for comfort, enjoyment and peace much of my life. when i started, i was nearly 60 lbs. overweight.

where did that weight come from? why didn't i notice it for such a long time? why did it take the threat of long-term high blood pressure to shock me into reality to do something about my weight and change? so many questions that i needed answers for. the journey has begun to answer these questions. i'm daily unpacking the whys behind the weight, but i know one reason is that i really enjoy food!

i love the way food tastes. i'm thankful for my salvation in Jesus Christ, but i am also very thankful for the blessing of taste buds. bless the Lord, oh my soul. i've come to realize, though, a love for anything can also become an addiction, especially when it's not tempered with discipline and self-control.

Me, summer of 2007, having fun yet unaware
of my need to take a good look at my health.

looking back on my childhood, when i was younger i'd eat things just not knowing how the calories and bad nutrition would affect my body. i was ignorant. i just didn't know. but i know now and i have the knowledge to make better choices. another reason i believe stems from an emotional wound and absence in my early years.

my daddy and my momma separated by the time i was four. i probably didn't realize it all, but my soul and heart missed him and needed his regular presence. i grew up much of my younger and teen years without him. food became a place to become happy, to eat and enjoy the feelings of sweet, savory, juicy, salty and mmm-mmmmm-good that each taste would give me.

i can even remember being really little, like 5 or 6 and hiding in a kitchen closet, eating a orange sherbet push-up, i remember the tangy, smooth sweet flavor, the rush of eating it fast enough before my mom found me. why was i hiding? and that trend to eat food, to sneak it and hide from my mom, especially late at night, continued to develop as i got older. more to unpack with this reason and the others in a future blog post, but this brief summary provides you with some context for my relationship with food.

i'm now faced with the LAST ONES, the last 35 pounds left to lose for me to reach my goal. i've changed so much in how i approach food and how i approach exercise. my body has responded to the cardio and strength training, becoming leaner, stronger and finer! heyyyy. i'm just saying.

Me, pictured right, with my sister Patrice. This photo was taken
December 2006, I was probably between 245 lbs. - 250 lbs.

here's a recent message i sent to some sisters of mine who are praying for me in this journey, holding me accountable, and even have provided financial gifts toward the purchase of my personal training sessions because they believe in me and want to see me reach this goal. life was never to be done in isolation; we were made for community with one another, fellowship, relationship. i'm very grateful for this.

March 16, 2011: "Hey y'all! Sending an update your way to let you know how this journey with the LAST ONES is coming along. I've been blessed with an amazing personal trainer. She trains me every Wednesday at my gym from 6am-7am. Her name is Damaris, I believe she's Puerto Rican, she's 37 years old, and get this: she used to weigh about 220 lbs!!!

That's a lot considering she's about 5 feet tall. She literally looks like Jillian Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" now, petite, all-muscle, lean and toned, and she lost all that weight working out, eating better and caring well for her body. She now gets great joy helping others lose weight and get healthy. It's been thabomb.com to train with her these last five weeks.

Me with my good friend Charlotte, September 2010 at
a friend's wedding. I'd gotten down to the low 230s.

I started out at 232 lbs. when we began training. A little ways in, I deceived myself, yielded to sin and lack of eating discipline, specifically around Valentine's Day weekend, and just about lost my mind eating all kinds of sugar and carbs. I believed the lie that, "oh, I'm working out, so I can cheat a little here."

The result: the following week when I weighed myself, I'd gained 5lbs. Not good. So, Damaris laid out the rules, made it clear if I was really in this to lose weight, I had to get serious about this. No carbs, if at all possible, after 6pm. No sweets and cupcakes and ice cream and cookies during the week.

I could enjoy a good meal that i really wanted on the weekend and a small sweet. Commit to working out 6 days a week. 45 minutes of cardio at least 3- 4 days a week. Increasing how much water I drink. And journaling my food, so she could see what I'd been eating and instruct me on what needed to change.

I'm in this to win this, so she got no protest from me. I was ready to commit and make the changes. The next week, I'd lost weight and was down from 237 lbs. to 234 lbs. The following weeks, was up a little, 235 lbs, then down a little to 234 lbs. Last Wednesday, weighed in at 231 lbs. This Wednesday, weighed in at 234.lbs. The scale fluctuates, man, does it fluctuate.

But, I told her I'd had some brown rice after 6pm last night and two small pieces of chocolate, and hadn't had as much water the last few days, or as much cardio workouts. She told me as women, our weight will fluctuate often. She thinks this 3 lb. gain is partly some of the carbs from last night and partly some of the muscle my body is building from strength training.

But here's the thing that really shot some excitement and adrenaline into my soul today: she did my measurements, and since my first measurement February 9th, I've LOST 6 inches off my body!!! Pow-pa-pow. That's very encouraging, and my clothes have been fitting differently. Sometimes you have to track a little more with inches lost vs. what the scale says...but we both want to see more loss on the scale and consistent pounds dropping.

So, you can definitely pray I'd shed more pounds consistently weekly. Pray I'd be disciplined to journal my food and eat on track. I have a guideline to follow for breakfast, am snack, lunch, pm snack, dinner, and evening snack. It's low carb, high veggies, fruit, some dairy and protein. Also pray I'd be disciplined to get my 45 - 50 minute cardio workouts in those 3-4 days during the week."

February 2011.

well, i'm one toner sister continuing on the journey to say good-bye to the last ones. some recent photos are below of me since i first created this blog post. i will be very happy to see those last ones leave.

July 2011.

December 2011.

Remember This...

2011-03-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Photo by Andreas Bengter.

I was created by God and for Him and He has placed within me needs that only He can meet. And if I try to meet those needs elsewhere, I will only end up frustrated, angry and unfulfilled.

- Taken from Every Single Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge.

the perfect ache

2011-03-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

Photo by SJ Toma.

i'm writing to be real, yep? so even this, i must write in honesty, truth and the realness my blog's title speaks of.

yesterday, i had the sweet opportunity to celebrate the 25th birthday of one of my little spiritual sisters. it was a grand time, great BBQ, engaging conversation, encouraging fellowship with some funny men and women, a perfect way to spend a beautiful orlando sunday afternoon. or so i thought. why then did i walk away later that night with the perfect ache?

let me explain. amongst those at the event, there were two sets of individuals; one set - a guy friend of mine with who i would describe a sweet and dear female friend of his, and they appeared to be in the developing stages of a dating relationship. the second set - one of my sweet sisters with a guy friend of hers. he'd come into town that weekend to spend some time getting to know her better and seeing how a new friendship between them both could develop as God leads.

during that time of dinner, dessert, constant laughs and great table topics on race, relationships, religion, politics, and the hilarious videos we've seen on YouTube, in all of that, i found myself observing and seeing and wondering and listening and thinking in several ways. observing how my guy friend's female friend was quite attentive to his needs, even asking after she'd fixed her own plate of food if he'd like her to fix his plate too. (in my mind i was like, "hold up-wait a minute-let me put some boom in THIS...what you mean fix his plate? he got two hands.") the woman who feels she must demand her rights and equal respect was riling up in that moment right then in my heart.

i then thought to myself, "mel, why does it matter so much that she offered to fix his food? wouldn't you if you had someone you could do that for?"

me (replying back in thought): "um...i don't know about that..."

more thought to myself: wouldn't you desire to give him respect in that way and honor and show him love in that way?"

my flesh: "um, he GOT two hands!"

my spirit: "ah, most definitely, if that's my boo and he's my man, most definitely. i wouldn't even think about it and i'd be blessed that others could see my heart for him and desire to serve him."

observation: i have much growing to do in the the area of serving others, whether it's my man or other people God's placed in my life. God knows i desperately need to grow. i'm thankful for that glimpse into these two people's lives and how they are doing life together. the young woman had no idea she was actually teaching me something through her simply being who she was in that moment. and i, as a growing Christian woman who desires one day to marry the godly man of my dreams, needed to see that, needed to be challenged by that, needed to wrestle with some deep stuff in my heart rooted in selfishness and the "right to be equal with man" and come out of that tussle, not with a world view of what i deserved and had a right to, but God's view of how He desires i relate to and serve in future moments like these that i pray will come my way.

i found myself seeing how this same pair related to each other just by body language, how they sat next to each other, without even touching one another and you could look at them and tell that something sweet, something new, something exciting, substantial and beautiful was developing between them. there was a "knowing" about each other that one could see in just watching them. an ease, a comfort, a familiarity, a rested-ness present.

seeing: i saw that and i took it all in. i want that in my life one day, the right day, the perfect time. i want that knowing, that stated familiarity without any words even being exchanged, i want that ease of someone knowing me almost better than i know myself and caring for me with my best interest in their heart. and that's a knowing that you can't duplicate, invent, conspire to inject into something that doesn't authentically hold it, keep it. it's a knowing that i completely desire God to shape for me, develop and produce in me toward the man that i'm trusting Him for, even now.

i found myself wondering about my life and where things were with dating and being pursued by a godly man and being desired and being known and was i ready for such an adventure, was i ready for such sacrifice, for such humility? at the core of every woman, we want to be desired. we want to be pursued. we want to be loved. we want to be cherished. we want to be seen as unique, different, special, amazing, beautiful, captivating, the one.

wondering: when will he come? and maybe the man i'm trusting the Lord for hasn't come because, quite possibly, perhaps...i'm not ready yet? whew. that's scary, troubling and yet a relief all at the same time! scary because, man, am i scaring him away because i'm not where i'm supposed to be yet!?!? troubling, because what are the missing puzzle pieces that God is weaving into my soul, my heart, my mind, my spirit to help me become the ezer, the helpmate, the warrior, the companion to this man i've not yet met that i need to be? how will this person help shape those missing pieces to complement me, intersect with me, fit me to help me grow and deepen into the completion of a finished work God is pruning and doing in me? relieved, because, whew, maaaaaaan, the weight of all of this is not on me. it's on the Lord! i ain't the potter, i'm just the clay. i'm the just the clay. that's the truth and i'm sticking to it. i just need to keep showing up and the potter will do what He needs to do on me and through me.

i found myself listening to the conversations at hand at the dinner table, great ear grabbers, one such started by my brother tim, sharing his desire to see black women at least consider, be open to relationships with men outside of the black race, in light of the fact that there's a shortage of available black men in our race to choose from. and i'd add, a shortage of black, godly men seeking the Father's heart and following Him wholeheartedly to choose from. this conversation 'bout blew the table up, but it was great to hear and dialogue about.

listening: i listened and i pondered and also shared the reality that though we black women can be open to relationships with men who are not black, the deep desire, i'll say of my own heart, is to be married to a black man. i am a black woman. i want to marry a black man. whenever i think of my future and marriage and motherhood, it is through the lens of marrying a black man. i know black men. i get black men. i grew up with black men. they speak my experience, i speak theirs and we know each other. there's also this very deep desire in my soul to see a new generation of black men raised up who love God and will live for Him and set this world on fire with His love and truth. i want black sons. i want the honor of raising up several, eh, should i say 5-6 (whew, i know) black little men who'll one day become strong black men, little people that come from me, that i can shape and influence from infancy to adulthood for God and His gospel. i desire and pray for this privilege.

i want to see my community of black people and people of african descent renewed and rebuilt. one key way i believe i'd like to trust the Lord to this is through a strong, God-led marriage with Godly black man, and a growing Godly family that influences and changes this community and ultimately, the world. so, being open to something new, something different in a relationship is a good thing; but if what i truly desire is one thing, God Himself will have to change my heart and my desire to move me into a direction that i don't right now foresee myself going into, by way of an interracial marriage. i would be open to an interracial relationship, but would i be down for an interracial marriage? i don't know.

this is not because i couldn't love a man who wasn't of my race. what would be the bigger piece is that my desire is not for something interracial. i desire him, and in my now and my dreams to come, "him" has always been a man of color, a man of my racial and cultural experience. a man who is black. reminds me of the crazy line from the character bernice from the late 80s and early 90s show, "designing women," a line she'd sing often when she'd see anthony, the black male character on the show (in a bravado voice): "BLACK MAN, BLACK MAN! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM BLACK MAAN!!!") sometimes i find myself wondering, "black man, black man, when will you come, black maaaaan!!!" ah. oh, the wait.

well, as the time of sweet collaborations in conversations at my friend's birthday dinner came to a close, i found myself thinking. thinking about where my life was, thinking about this perfect ache that had begun to form in my heart through the course of this dinner, through the musings and viewing of these two sets of people at unique and sweet spots in life, one - growing and knowing, the other -seeing and learning.

it was a perfect ache because it was from God. i ache to be known. i ache to be seen. i ache to be pursued. i ache to be desired. i ache to be loved for completely, absolutely, uniquely all of who i am. i ache be sought after. i ache to be special. i ache to be different. i ache to no longer feel alone when couples are present and i become aware of my un-coupled reality. i ache to be free of the molasses-slowly moving creeping, lurching wrapping shroud threat of loneliness that makes itself present and real and in my face, teasing and taunting me with what it says i don't have, urging me toward self-pity, confusion, shattered confidence, and feeling uncompleted because i don't have him in my life.

and so, i ached. i ached as i departed about 10 minutes to 11pm after the party ended. i ached talking to my brother tim as i drove him home and we discussed some more of his thoughts on black women being open to relationships outside of our race, and his heart behind what he shared. i ached as i played donnie hathaway in my car, as songs of his fit where my heart was in that moment. i just wanted to play, not just another sad love song, but a really good life song, a song that expressed where my heart was, where my longings are and it could be okay for me to feel that way, to not try to chalk it all up, put a spiritual band-aid on it, thank the Lord for the ache, be a good Christian, suck it up, try to ignore the pain, but no, instead to feel the ache, touch the ache, acknowledge its presence and see where the ache would take me. to see what the ache would teach me. to see what the ache had to tell me.

i played someday we'll all be free. a perfect melody. donnie's perfect voice singing his perfect lyrics. perfect feeling for my feelings:

hang on to the world as it spins, around...just don't let the spin get you down.
things are moving fast, hold on tight and you'll will last.
keep your self-respect you're very bright,
get yourself in gear, keep your stride.
never mind your fears, brighter days will soon be here.
take it from me, someday we'll all be free, yeaaah.

keep on walking tall, hold your head up high.
lay your dreams right up to the sky,
sing your greatest song.
and you'll keep, going, going on,
take it from me, someday we'll all be free.

(hey) just wait and see someday we'll all be free. (yeah)
take it from me, someday we'll all be free.
(it won't be long) take it from me someday we'll all be free.
take it from me, take it from me, take it from me.

i played the song more than once and though the ache didn't disappear in those moments, the ache told me some things. the ache told me i was alive. the ache told me i was made to love. to ache told me i was made to be loved. the ache told me to embrace its ache, its pain, to know it, to feel it, to grab it and hold it, hug it, draw it near because the ache was there for a special reason and i needed the ache.

the ache reminded me of sisters that had entered dating relationships, then engagements that led to marriage; some i rejoiced for, some i envied, some i mourned because i knew i was losing something and they were gaining something. i was losing the friend i'd known to a new relationship God had ordained for them. i was gaining something new in that and the new woman they would become and how that would bless my life, but still i was losing. i was losing the familiarity with them, the knowing of being unmarried women doing life together in that season of friendship that we'd had. i was losing a woman that also felt the ache i was feeling.

the ache wouldn't bother her anymore, at least not in the way it was bothering me because i was still unhitched, unmarried, uncoupled. and i hated that. i mourned that. i was jealous of that. jealous even of the sisters that were entering the budding prospect of friendships with Godly men that indeed could become something more. i was jealous that it wasn't me. in all honesty, i was jealous that it wasn't me. in those moments of dying to my flesh to strain for, see God's bigger plan, the cry of my heart always is, "what about me! what about me? when will it be my turn? when will it be me? what about me Lord?" i become the whiny, inconsolable, crying, emotionally-tantrum-throwing child, yelling, pleading, screaming...and it comes back to one thing: ME. what about me? i see me and nothing else. this is not the way God wants me to think and be. it's not about me. it's not.

this is why i believe the ache is there. the ache remains. i need to grow. i need to be challenged. i need to see there's so much more in me i need than what i already have. i'm not at all aware of God's timing for me in this area of my life, but i know that His timing is perfect and i know the ache is there because He wants it there. i know that i'm not being pursued in a godly relationship right now because God deems the timing not perfect, for me or for the one i wait for. i know that in His sovereignty, God allows this ache. the ache remains.

on this night, there is one most beautiful thing about the ache i love: l when i arrived home, still fully aware of its presence my biggest desire was not to drown out the ache by distractions, t.v, music., nor was it to stuff the ache with food, or ignore the ache by talking to people. i would have done this months, yet, even years ago. but now, in this moment, my biggest desire was to go to my room, close the door, turn on a low light and talk to God. in that moment, all i wanted was Him. the ache drove me to God. this is why i love the ache. and so, i talked to Him, we talked to each other, i prayed for that night and all that i learned, i prayed for the ache and what it was doing to me, i prayed and reminded myself in affirmation of something God had told me the day before in a quiet, but strong whisper: "what I have for you is for you Melody." this was in relation to God's timing, purpose and plan for when i would engage in a significant dating relationship that led to a significant decision toward marriage. when God deemed it time and who He deemed it take place with.

i prayed and we talked. i prayed and i listened. i prayed and then i sang. didn't plan to but in that moment it was the realest, purest expression of my heart to God in response to the ache. i sang. i used the voice He'd given me to speak back in song and melody to Him, to say everything i felt about Him. i sang a medley of songs..."our God (is greater)"..."He wants it all"..."the desert song"..."stories." i sang them my way, pulling pieces and melodic lines together. pausing. singing. pausing. reflecting. pausing. moving...forward.

our God is greater, our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other,
our God is healer, awesome in power
our God, our God...
and if our God is for us,
than who could ever stop us,
and if our God with us, than who could stand against?

...there's a God that walks over the earth,
searching for a heart that is desperate,
longing for a child that will give Him their all
give it all, He wants it all,
and He says, love me, love me with your whole heart,
He wants it all today, serve me, serve me with your life now,
He wants it all today, bow down, let go of your idols
He wants it all today, He wants it all today, He wants it all today, He wants it alllllllll,
more of you, all of you, He wants it all today, hey, eh, hey, more of you, all of you, wants it all today, hey, eh, more of you, all of you, He wants it all, today, today, today,
He wants it all today, He wants it all today, He wants allllllll

...all of my life, in every season, you are still God, i have a reason to sing, i have a reason to worship.
i will bring praise, i will bring praise, no weapon formed against me shall remain,
i will rejoice and i will declare, God is my victory and He is here.

...and Jesus stole this heart of mine, now i'm alive.
and Jesus taught this heart to fly, now i'm alive.
and Jesus stole this heart of mine, now i'm alive.
and Jesus taught this heart to fly, now i'm alive.
and we're singing, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, oh, for heaven came down,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, oh, for heaven came down...

and, in perfect "melody" fashion, i finished, continued to let the ache have it's perfect work in me, climbed onto my bed, rested my head upon some soft pillows (the plan was just for 5 minutes), closed my eyes, just to rest for a while, still in the clothes i'd worn all day, but instead of rest, He made me sleep. and i slept, and i rested. i rested in Him, and the ache subsided.

~ m

seminary? who? me?

2011-03-12T04:32:00.000-08:00

Photo by Marcos Santos.

so: i'm seriously, seriously, considering engaging in some seminary-like classes...somewhat. aww, shucks, let me get on with it: yes!!! i desire to continue my higher education by pursuing seminary classes that would eventually lead to a seminary degree. there. i said it! it's out in the world now. whew. now everybody knows.

i don't know why seminary so intimidates me or saying that i want to goes seems like such a weighty decision, like i just said "i do" to marry my husband or something. but, i guess it seems huge because it is huge. it's a decision to commit to something, a decision to be disciplined, a decision to develop, be challenged, to deepen in how i think about God and what He means to me and then how i will use what i learn to help others shape their views of Him in ways that are based on truth, ways that help them create theology and grow as theologians and students of God. and that is heavy.

today, i'll be attending preview day at Reformed Theological Seminary (RTS), a local center higher learning in the Orlando area. the preview includes worship with a welcome, a seminar on the theology of ministry, lunch by degree programs, a tour of the campus, a seminar on applying seminary education and a closing message. what's very cool for me is that because i'm a missionary serving with The Impact Movement, a sister ministry in partnership with Campus Crusade for Christ, i receive a 33% discount on my tuition/classes. AND, because CCC has its own Institute of Biblical Studies for staff members that include 11 courses that can be used toward seminary credit, those classes i've taken and will take can be applied toward a degree i'll pursue in seminary in the future.

pow. now that's what's up. this is exciting. and also very scary at the same time. and the question i'm asking is "God, who gon' pay for all this? um, we still got those two students loans from my lovely and well-used education gained at the University of Georgia to pay off. and now, here's a new need in the world of funding my higher education. who gon' pay for this?"

ahh. but i forget. He is God. and i am not. i just think it's a huge answer to prayer that the desire to really go and get seminary experiences/take classes is now budding in my heart when years ago i used to shun away from this when several people would ask me to consider going to seminary. and i mean people would ask me quite often. one amazing couple who've been prayer partners and financial partners for me in my mission work even told me they'd do references and set up a spot for me at a local seminary in Atlanta. they believe in me that much and wanted me to go to seminary. whew. hold your horses! but, it's encouraging to look back on those moments and see what God was even weaving back then into my story, into my life, into my heart.

one of those people who'd also ask me often about going to seminary was my momma. "Mel, don't you want to be a minister or something?" me: "no, mama, i don't...what are you talking about? i am not going to be a pastor!" oh goodness. shush. don't tell her about this new news. i'll never hear the end of it. and while i don't think pastoring in the conventional sense is what God's shaped me for, He indeed has shaped me to 'pastor' and 'minister' in unconventional ways...through my writing, through my gifts in communications He's given me that He constantly uses to draw people to His heart. ahhh, indeed. the journey begins. whether my steps with seminary begin with RTS or another place of learning, i'm just excited to begin thinking about learning. and growing.

~ m

Jonah, a Big Fish, and . . . a Camel?

2011-03-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

Written by Priscilla Shirer on March 7, 2011 - 12:30am

From Going Beyond Ministries' Blog Section

Hey there!

I couldn't wait to write to you today, because last Sunday at church something very interesting happened. After service, a woman who was visiting our church for the very first time came up to say hello to me. She was a kind woman who had come to Dallas with two of her children - one of whom was in a cheerleading competition over the weekend. We shook hands and talked for a bit. She told me that she had just finished going through our Jonah Bible study with a group of women and that they had enjoyed it immensely. This group had felt seriously challenged to find an outreach project to participate in.

Now, before I go any further, let me just say that I am always so grateful to meet women who have been through one of our studies. The reality is that, while you get to see me on DVD, I don't get the privilege of seeing you. Rarely, do I have an opportunity to get the inside scoop on how you may have been challenged or encouraged by the Scriptures presented. So anytime someone sends a photo of their Bible study group or an email about their experiences, I treasure it. It is an encouragement to me and our Going Beyond team in the most incredible way.

One of the major thrusts of the Jonah study encourages women to seek out and serve someone outside the four walls of their group. It's has been so inspiring to hear about the projects the Lord has birthed in your hearts and used to bless others through your obedience. I've been stunned at the reports we've received, but none has been more unexpected than this one. For when the sweet woman at church pulled out this picture from her purse to show me, I was stunned.

She said, "PRISCILLA, WE BOUGHT A CAMEL!"

Who knew that story about a man and big fish could have anything to do with a camel? But lo and behold, the connection has been made. A "Jonah" camel has been added to the collection of odd characters connected with this story that already boasts not only a fish - but a plant, a wind, a worm and a scorching sun.

Hmmmmm. Interesting.

These wonderful "camel-buying" women have blessed a mission organization halfway across the world that was in desperate need of this type of transportation to accomplish the work God has set before them. These women, inspired by Jonah's message, became the answer to these missionaries' prayer request.

Amen!

It's amazing how God can put different things in our hearts that all serve the same purpose - reaching a lost world for Him!

I'm wondering if you've done this Bible study: "Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted" and if you have, what project your group has been inspired to undertake. Whether it was taking a meal to someone in need around the corner, or sending care packages to people on the other side of the globe, I'm interested in knowing what you've accomplished. There's no telling the kind of impact we can make as we walk in humble obedience to God and service to others.

Can't wait to hear from you today.

Priscilla

AND SO...this was my response to Priscilla's blog post:

Priscilla, hey there. A group of beautiful women at my church Discovery in Orlando, Fla., just finished watching the video for week 5 last night, 3/9. After our session, I decided to get a head start on the homework and went to a local frozen yogurt spot, Chilly Spoons, to complete the Day 1 lesson, which focuses on a Great Commission and us going and making disciples.

As melodies of Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Pink jumped around through the store, I'm focusing to read through the lesson, asking God to reveal more of Himself to me. I sense His Spirit directing me toward the two young ladies working at the establishment. It's after 9pm, business is slow and I'm the only one in the place. I feel God saying "Mel, I want you to talk to them, share my love with them." I say yes to His request but try to figure out what I will say and how I will say it. A little time passes and a while later, as one of the girls is cleaning up tables near me, I call over to her and begin a conversation.

I wanted to talk to them both, but the other headed to the back of the store to start some cleaning before they closed. I wish I would have moved sooner and went up to the register area when they were together, but God later showed me a different perspective. He wanted me to meet and talk with Sarah, the one He brought near my table. So I introduced myself, we chatted briefly, I learned she was 16, attended a local Catholic school and wants to go to the University of Florida when she graduates high school next year. I asked her what her spiritual journey was like presently and if she was in a relationship with God. She told me her relationship with God was "okay." She also shared she goes to church every Sunday. She seemed excited to share that part about going to church every week with me.

I sensed God wanted me to ask her how I could pray for her and to encourage her. So, I asked. She said she really didn't know at that moment ways I could pray. I told her that's okay and I would pray for her as God leads me; (later, on my drive home, I really did pray lots of things that the Holy Spirit directed me to pray for her and her co-worker, encouraging prayers, keeping praying, purity prayers, salvation prayers). So, I didn't walk out of that moment with bells and whistles going, knowing that I had made a huge difference in Sarah's life. I didn't walk out knowing more about her spiritual journey and whether she fully understood what it meant to have a relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ that surpassed the rigors of religion. But what I do believe happened is this: God, simply in those few moments I had with her, wanted me to show her that He was thinking about her. He was thinking about Sarah.

He knows her by name and loves her enough that He'd send a stranger like me, who also happens to be His daughter, her way just to remind her of that by asking how would she like to be prayed for. My prayer is that when she goes to church this Sunday, she'll remember our meeting and consider anew God's love for her and how He wants to know her personally, even at 16 years of age. I also pray that her heart towards God and the things of God would be heightened and a new desire to grow and learn and know Him would be poured out into her. Much competes for her heart, her desires, her allegiance to so many things in this world. Pray with me that Sarah and her friend would discover that what God has to offer them both is so much better than the let downs downfalls of the world.

And do pray that I would "I daily share Jesus in how I live..I deeply desire to grow and make a powerful impact by purposing to go about the regular duties of my day with an underlying mission to make disciples - followers of Jesus Christ." - Into All The World, pg. 107, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted.

~ m

the choice to CHOOSE: Heaven vs. Hell

2011-03-10T04:28:00.000-08:00

recently, my little 'spiritual bro' donavan tagged me in a Facebook post of his, referencing a convo we had this week that included some talking about Heaven and Hell and how to help people understand that God isn't just sitting on His throne damming people to Hell; instead His desire is that more and more people truly get to know and experience Him and the freedom He offers.

here's donavan's post:

Donavan Elishu'a Jackson

Shout out 2 Twitters best topic of the night: #lasttimetheHeatwon. People were acting a foolio on dere. On another note: "God doesn't want 2 send people 2 Hell BUT because of their actions and rebellion against God, that's where they are headed." (Paraphrase) ~Melody Latrice Copenny. So basically, thru Christ, WE are able 2 choose which path 2 take in life? I think #WeknowtheTRUTH #Wejustdontwant2faceit!

i thought a little bit more about this, and desired to add a little more context for the statement above. here it goes:

i believe any place where God is not and where His presence is not is Hell. Hell is a place where God can never be. He's a God of holiness where sin can never abide, dwell or just hang out in His presence. it can't or else who He is could not be any longer. there are several scriptures in the Bible that reference and unpack what Hell is and what its realities are.

in the Hebrew translation for the Old Testament, one word for Hell used in the Bible is the word Sheol. a passage that uses this word is Deuteronomy 32:22. the outline of Sheol's biblical use includes the following:

1) sheol, underworld, grave, hell, pit

a) the underworld

b) Sheol - the Old Testament designation for the abode of the dead

1) place of no return

2) without praise of God

3) wicked sent there for punishment

4) righteous not abandoned to it

5) of the place of exile (fig)

6) of extreme degradation in sin

in the Greek translation for the New Testament, another word translated for Hell in the Bible is Hades. passages that uses this word are Revelation 20:13-14. the outline of Hades' biblical uses includes the following:

1) name Hades or Pluto, the god of the lower regions

2) Orcus, the nether world, the realm of the dead

3) later use of this word: the grave, death, hell

In Biblical Greek it is associated with Orcus, the infernal regions, a dark and dismal place in the very depths of the earth, the common receptacle of disembodied spirits. Usually Hades is just the abode of the wicked, Luk 16:23, Rev 20:13, 14; a very uncomfortable place. (TDNT)

with that knowledge, it's very hard to turn a deaf ear or blind eye to the existence of Hell and its realities. that last box above says it's a "very uncomfortable place." i think that says it lightly. i've heard that some people just want Heaven and salvation to escape Hell, but don't really actually desire to know God personally or have a relationship with Him. they just want a kind-of "by-pass hell" free card. this type of thinking and heart cheapens the love He gives and the relationship He so freely offers to each human being on this planet.

what He offers us is peace, freedom, forgiveness and healing through personal relationship. and that relationship comes only through His son Jesus. why is this significant and why is Jesus the only way to the true and living God? because we are sinners (sometimes we don't wanna believe this but it is true) and need a Savior to rescue us. as sinners, we choose that which is not God's best for us:

we fall morally, we hurt others emotionally, we make bad choices, we are selfish, we are angry, we take, we steal, we murder, we sex up and sex out, we adulterate, homosexualize, masturbate, fornicate, fill our eyes and hearts with pornography, we molest and we rape, we drug, get high and stay stoned, we pig out and fill our bodies with fat in gluttony and food lust, envy pervades us and we lie, we covet and we idol, we stay jealous and we live busy, we think we are good but our hearts are so bad, desperate and increasingly dark. and those sins are not even the tip of the iceberg. if we really saw what our omniscient (all-knowing God) saw, we'd be silenced forever by the shock of it all. we are so deceived by sin we don't even know what it is and how depraved and in bondage we really are to it.

we're just riddled with imperfections because of the sin we commit and the sin that's committed against us and we need a way out. Jesus is the way because He is the only person in the history of mankind who died for the sins of the world. but He didn't stay dead. never forget that part. through his burial and resurrection (yes, He's alive) He provides new life from a dead, sinful life to all who will believe. He is the only way to the true and living God. all paths don't lead to God. only Jesus does. God is love and in Him there is no darkness. A loving God would not send His only Son Jesus to die for a world that constantly rejects Him if His sole purpose is to send those same people to Hell with no mercy or forgiveness.

that kind of thinking is unwise theology. instead, consider this: God's hands are constantly open to the world. His hands are ready to redeem and heal people of their sins and forgive and restore them into a new life. many accept God's invitation and are being re-made in His image as i type. millions that have come before our current place in time have also accepted this invitation, became followers of Jesus Christ and are now dwelling in the presence of God in the Heaven that believers today earnestly look forward to. but many others look at those same hands of God, then look back at their lives, and again they look back at His hands and they make a choice. they say no: "no. i don't want you, i don't want to let go of how i live. i love it more than what you want to offer me. you're asking for too much. i love my life this way it already is. i'm not ready for this. no." so, they reject God.

But God does not reject us. He's constantly working in this world, loving, pursuing, and at time providing discipline and challenging seasons to draw our hearts and our eyes back to Him. God passionately and doggedly continues moving toward people, not away from them. and yes, this world is full of pain, senseless death, indescribable heartache and hurts. many times people look to God and wonder why doesn't He stop it all? if He's so loving why did this happen and that happen? i wish i had the answers. but i don't. but what i do know is choosing to reject God because of pain and loss only hurts you more. He's the healer and through His love and growing in a thriving personal relationship with Him, even though all the answers to "the why questions" may not come when you want them, His love will heal. and give you a bigger picture for it all in the scope of eternity.

people who don't choose God are in essence saying they don't want to receive the gift He offers. they don't want Him. so what's the next option? a life that is lived a part from Him and a life that doesn't have Jesus as Savior, which means if you don't receive the salvation He offers and forgiveness of your sins through His death on the cross, you are saying that you instead want to be the one to pay for those sins. and there has to be justice for the sins committed. the Bible speaks more of this justice and the judgement necessary for sin in specific scriptures that i'd like to share in a follow-up post to this post. there's much more to unpack theologically here, but the big picture is this: God gave His son Jesus to stand in the gap for our sins, to die in our place for the sins we committed, commit and will commit, and He destroyed all of our sins for all time so that we would not have to die and stand in the gap ourselves. He also defeated death and conquered the fear of death so that those who trust in Him have the promise, the gift of new life and eternal life with Him in Heaven. God loves us that much. Jesus' death is where God's wrath to judge sin and his mercy to redeem fallen mankind was satisfied.

so, i don't believe God "sends people to hell." i believe people choose Hell because they reject God. if you reject God's salvation and lordship in your life, if you reject His love and open arms to have a relationship with you, does it make any sense for Him to then invite you to 'hang out, chill for a while' in the Heaven He's created for those who do love Him and desire to be in His presence and worship and love Him forever? and here's the thing: God doesn't need us to love Him, worship Him, honor Him. He's so self-sufficient all by Himself, smile! His invitation to us to love Him, to worship Him, to be in relationship with Him is so much more for us than it could ever be for Him. in His presence, there is joy. in His love, there is healing. words don't adequately describe all that He gives those who call Him Savior.

and get this too: there's not a section in Heaven roped off for nice unbelievers who are 'good people', or not so nice unbelievers who have been setting it off on earth who don't like God, but just don't want to go to Hell. it just doesn't work that way. it can't work that way. it would be like someone that really, really don't like you, who in essence has said, "i hate you and can't stand to be around you and really don't want to be in your presence," this same person upon learning that you've just won 1.5 million dollars and became the ruling king or queen of the largest super power country in the world, this same person asking you for good chunk of that money and full access to your nation to rule with you. um, really? how does that work? now granted, my not so great illustration isn't the best way to describe the dynamic of Heaven and why it is a gift for those who place their faith in Jesus Christ, but it does help to shine a little light on this.

this even begs the question some ask, "why can't i just go to Heaven without believing in Jesus? what's the big deal?" well, Jesus is the all-exclusive pass into a place that eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, but God has prepared for those who love Him and are called by His name. and those in Heaven all have this in common: A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD THROUGH HIS SON JESUS CHRIST. wouldn't you want to spend eternity with God with a foundation of a relationship where you already know Him, there's intimacy in that relationship, knowing of one another, a deepness, a connection forged through the immense joys, the amazing answers to prayer, and breath-taking moments, but also lessons gained and deeper faith developed through hardship, tragedy and pain? all these the things build the beauty that is the relationship the believer has with God.

God's doing way more than we can ever imagine to keep people from being in Hell. He wants the people He created in His presence so we can experience His love forever. but many have chosen to reject Him and many still will. please understand, it is not God rejecting people; it is people rejecting God. God is such a gentleman. He never forces His love on us. we have the gift to choose: 1. Him, His son, a restored and redeemed life through personal relationship with Him that means we turn away from our sin and broken living and invite Jesus to be not only Savior but Lord of our lives, and we receive the gift of Heaven, eternal life in God's presence.

2. Us, we choose to reject Him, reject His son, continue living a broken and painful life on our own, blinded by sin and the spiritual and physical death it leads to, continue to be separated from a personal relationship with God because of a choice to reject him, and stand willing to pay the price for one's sinful rebellion, where eternal separation from God is the result. this separation is Hell.

i admitted to God nearly 12 years ago that i needed a Savior and Jesus was it. i humbled myself. my heart was so open to God in that moment. so soft, so very aware of how much i needed His love, His freedom, His direction in my life. i let go of pride. and i grabbed hold of Him. i was a sinner who became saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. and in that moment of inviting Jesus into my life and surrendering to Him all that was me, i began my personal relationship with God.

the road i've traveled since has been quite simply the most exhilarating, joyous, painful, challenging, unexpected journey of my entire life. God never said my life would be free of difficulty. but the difference now that i'm in relationship with Him is that i have something that unbelievers in this world don't have but so need in those tough moments: i have HOPE because i have God. and i trust that because i belong to Him, all things, all things will work together for my good because i love Him and i'm called according to His purposes in my life.

the Heaven vs. Hell conversation is a very juicy one for many to chew on and chop up together. there's controversy, there's conversation, there's agreement, there's accusations. i believe John 3:16 makes it real clear where God's heart is in this matter. The Message Translation really unpacks this even better:

¹⁶"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (New International Version)

^6-18"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." (The Message Translation)

where's your heart in this matter? have you made a decision? when one comes face to face with Jesus Christ, a decision must be made, one way or the other, one of belief or one of rejection. but there's no in-between place, no middle ground. you have to make a choice, fully, 100% for God or fully 100% not for Him. if you find yourself battling feelings in yourself, your heart, where you really want to be for Him but something's holding you back, ask Him to free you of that thing or those things holding you back so you can be fully, 100% all His. if you're just not sure at this time about a decision, ask Him to reveal Himself to you, to show you who He really is, to help you learn more about Him. He's waiting, patiently, for you. i pray you choose Him.

~ m

I Am A Writer...

2011-03-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

i am a writer.
i am a writer.
i am a writer.

these four words continue to re-shape, re-shift, re-do every thing i know, can feel, and see in this life i'm living. attending synergy 2011 this past weekend reaffirmed the very special gift God's given me to tell a story about the world and people around me, authentically, fully, truly while also creating and placing my voice in the story.

i attended a writer's workshop and got my world rocked while there. workshop leader sharon anderson, in response to my five minute writing snippet, said to me point-blank in the face: "Melody, you need to write. God has smacked you upside the head with the gift. Make space for it, do it, write." i felt humbled and yet scared at the same time. write melody. it's time for you to really write. much of me has wrestled with what's my writing voice as a believer? should it only be redemptive-salvation work? should my writing only be for the church, for the believer? can some be but some not be? what about the rest of the world? what about reality in this world for millions that hasn't been penetrated yet by the Christian gospel? what about those stories? who will tell them? am i to tell them? when will i tell them?

at the close of the conference, fellow writer lesa engelthaler came up to me and positively rebuked me for not writing more. she asked me if i'd been published. i said not really. she told me i need to be published, not so much to say i'm published, but because my voice, the things i have to say, this voice must be heard by others so that their lives will be changed and made different by the stories and the writings that come from me. she also gave me some very encouraging steps to move toward publishing...more to come on that later.

what lesa said really struck a cord in me the same way what sharon said did. and i'm still chewing on this reality that my writing is not so much for me, my writing is for the whole WORLD. my voice isn't just my voice for me to hear and enjoy. my voice is for the world, my voice is for freedom-telling, my voice is for truth-shouting, my voice is for bondage-breaking, my voice is for the creative, the inspired, the free, the fresh, the new, the slimmer of daybreak when dawn comes and night goes that makes the heart feel HOPE. my voice, my writing is hope, i have the gift of hope in me to give to others through what i write and create. i'm a story teller. i'm a writer. i'm a griot of words, given best written, felt deeply spoken. i give hope. and hope does not disappoint.

~ m

Ezer: Reclaiming Who God Says Every Woman Is

2011-03-07T05:05:00.000-08:00

This is a book every woman must read.

{ezer}
	The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make an [*ezer] suitable for him."Genesis 2:18 **ezer* (pronounced w/a long "â" as in razor) is a Hebrew military word meaning strong helper or warrior.

Perspectives on Ezer:
"ezer. a definition of woman i can agree on. finally." Excerpt from the blog, Articulate Me.

"Webster says to help means to aid, to assist, to succour (see below), to lend strength or means towards effecting a purpose. To relieve; to cure, or to mitigate pain or disease. To remedy; to change for the better." Excerpt from online Hebrew resource, A word study on ezer/azar.

"Usages of 'ezer in the Old Testament show that in most cases God is an 'ezer to human beings, which calls to question if the word “helper” is a valid interpretation of 'ezer in any instance it is used. " Excerpt from Ezerkenegdo article on God's Word To Women web site.

i eat words (writing to me)

2011-03-07T03:28:00.000-08:00

Photo by Stephen Davies.

writing to me is like writing, no, it is writing with no constraints, it's like walking with no shoes on a mildly warm summer day, shifting through the sand on a breezy beach, kicking up the gravel, no shoes...no capitalization, no socks...no punctuation just writing just me just pen just free

© 2011 Melody L. Copenny
All Rights Reserved.

I remember...

2011-03-07T03:14:00.000-08:00

Photo by Gokhan Okur.

I remember joy, peace, love, hope, fulfillment, who doesn't? I mean, we all have it? Or once tasted those things. So why do I feel so unjoyous, unpeaceful, unloved, unhopeful, unfulfilled? Is this what life is for? Is this living?

Annabel scratched her head, looked slyly to the right side of her desk and caught Patrick winking at her. 3rd period for a 10th grader quite possible is the worst period of them all. And how she hated Patrick. Why couldn't he just leave her the hell alone? Always smiling, always happy, always joyful, always...those things she was not and never thought she could be. How could she? Too much had happened.

Writing except created by Melody L. Copenny 3/5/11 during a writer's workshop at Synergy2011. Given five minutes to write something that begins with the statement, "I remember..." This is what I created. I would like to develop it into a short story that will tell a story and give a voice - to Annabel, to Patrick and to others not yet created. More to come.

Coffey Anderson -"Comes Down To It"- Full House or Family Matters? | iCo...

2011-02-26T06:14:00.000-08:00

Bellarive: "Love Has Found Us."

2011-02-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

Great Music: Level 3:16 - Here I Am (Bonus Track)

2011-02-20T03:26:00.000-08:00

MyBrownBaby: {Bringing Up Boogie} I Gave Birth To My Son, But He Gave Me Life...

2011-01-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

Very good read here: MyBrownBaby: {Bringing Up Boogie} I Gave Birth To My Son, But He Gave Me Life.

"you are for me" by kari jobe

2011-01-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

this song perfectly describes where my heart is right now. ~ m

VERSE 1
So faithful, so constant
So loving and so true, so powerful in all you do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

CHORUS
I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me
I know that you will never, forsake me in my weaknesses
I know that you have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

VERSE 2
So patient, so gracious
So merciful and true, so wonderful in all you do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move You love for me to sing to you

i have a professional mentor!

2011-01-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

This girl's got a professional mentor!

i'm a self-feeder. what this means is by nature, i absolutely love growing, developing and seeking out ways to be developed professionally in my career, spiritually as a leader and personally as a woman and child of God.

this morning, i reached out to judy nelson, an incredible woman that i admire and respect a great deal, with the request that she consider mentoring me.

here's what i shared with her:

"Judy, hey there! I pray you are doing well friend.

You came to mind this week because I need some help and wisdom and guidance with something pretty important. This is my first full-year serving in my new role as Director of Communications with Impact. I'm really enjoying myself. And an on-going priority for me is my personal/professional/spiritual development as a leader, communicator, and writer. I also want to regulary sharpen and develop in my key strengths from the 'Strength Finders' assessment I took a few years ago. My top strengths are 1) input, 2) intellection, 3) empathy, 4) strategic and 5) learner...

I desire to be intentional in seeking out opportunities regularly where I can develop as a leader and grow and thrive in my new role. I'd love to have greater exposure to Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC) National leadership venues, whether by conferences I could attend or even help with and provide a voice for African American leaders in the organization. I'd also love to have exposure to leadership venues beyond CCC. I just don't know where to go or start. My Impact supervisor supports my desire to seek out venues/opportunties that will enhance my leadership.

As someone who I admire and respect who's been walking with Jesus and serving Him a bit longer than I, Judy, would you be willing to help me find some good opportunities, either that you know about or would encourage me to look into toward my development?

Also, would you be open to the idea of me connecting with you, say, once a quarter to see if there are new opportunties you'd suggest I'd check out? I guess what I'm asking if you'd be willing to be a mentor to me, in this way of pointing me toward and challenging me to new opportunties that would stretch and grow me into the leader God is shaping me to be. Oh, say yes, say yes!

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks so much for reading this. Blessings to you!"

her reply:

"Oh, my friend, I would love to! Start with coffee somewhere? - Judy"

i'm so excited! and so blessed God has answered a prayer request hidden in my heart for quite some time in an "on-time, sudden" way. this reminds me that in the same way He made this happened, He can and will answer prayer requests to come and that are current in my life right now. it excites me and blesses me to trust God in this way.

i have a professional mentor!

~ m

i cried today. (a poetry snippet)

2011-01-21T09:19:00.000-08:00

(written 11.29.10)

i cried today. it was hard and it was good, it was needed and it was challenging. it was all those things that my soul wanted to express but had no words for. and so my tears became my language and those tears welled up in eyes too big that they had to burst free, run free, roll free, straight outta my eyes and down my cheeks, splashing like little streams of salty relief upon my cotton camisole and butter colored bed linens, providing escape, outlet, release to feelings, emotions, hardships, hurts, rejection, annoyance, pain, and struggled locked up far too long in a heart that didn't know how to let them go, give them away, wrestle them free.

and so, i cried. in sobs, in waves, in hiccupy banter, softly, then loudly, fiercely, then in whimpers, cried and didn't hold back, felt what was needed to be felt, experienced, the real that was rocking my core, i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried.

until every single tear i had was shed in that moment. i cried. and i let go. i cried and i owned what i could own. i cried and i forgave. i cried and i asked to be forgiven. i cried and i experienced mercy and grace. i cried and i purposed to give mercy and grace. i cried and it hurt. i cried and i hurt.

but i cried and my soul spoke, finally, at least, for me. my soul spoke and said what words could not: i want to be fully known, i want to be...

~ m

© 2010 Melody L. Copenny
All Rights Reserved.

written by m. copenny
the rest of this piece can be read from the forthcoming poetic compilation, "we are each other's sticky notes" by Melody L. Copenny

pt. 2: this whole faith without works is dead thang, maaaaan...

2011-01-21T09:15:00.000-08:00

so...on to pt. 2 of this very funny journey. God is amazing. He is thabomb.com. and He is fantastic at providing those lovely 'rams in the bush!' anybody know what i'm talking about? so, the window of time i thought was closing in for me to meet the $5,000 special matching fund gift has ACTUALLY been extended to april 1, 2011.

can i get a 'thank ya Jesus!' whew!!! so, by God's grace I have nearly three months to put more of my faith into action by inviting God's people to give to His work through my mission endeavors and watch in faith and hope how HE sets this thing up and how HE provides. i do believe He will provide ALL OF IT, down to the last dollar. $3,875 to go...

~ m

1-25-11 update: $3,775 to go...

oh, 2011...

2011-01-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

what shall you hold? i'm quite curious. indeed. ~ m

this whole faith without works is dead thang, maaaaan...

2011-01-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

well, i find it quite comical to see how my flesh battles with God's Spirit in me in the area of faith and works. the new testament shares that faith without works is dead...hmm, so i gotta put my faith into action and trust God with the results of my works done in faith, presented before him.

ha! this sometimes seems like straight bananas. it shouldn't seeing that i've been Christ-follower for 11 years. but my eyes sometimes get stuck at the doorway of the places my faith wants to take me.

for instance: right now, i'm trusting God to provide funds for me to receive a $5,000 matching fund gift in a limited window of time toward my full-time work in missions. i've done the work to put my faith into action, written the letters, sent them off, and now must trust in His provision of financial gifts to raise up $5,000 so that i can meet the match and receive it.

ahem, let me reiterate: straight bananas. the window of time is closing up and i'm currently $4,200 away from meeting my match. that means i have $4,200 to go, lol. PLUS, i'm sick with a really bad cold, have the voice of a pre-teen boy, and am just stuffy, achy, sneezing all over with not a lot of energy to call back some people and pursue decisions for monthly giving. it's just a whole lotta hot mess.

wheeeewwww. i know God loves to see me trust Him in moments like this, because i become all funny and comical and full of faith, 'cause clearly none of this makes sense, but to him all of it does, and it's impossible to please him without faith, because those who come to him must believe that he exists and is a rewarder of those who dilligently seek him.

wheeeww, man, do i love him. and yes, i'm seeking him dilligently, in his Word, through his voice, soaking up his presence, and believing that because he said 'it's done' it is. provision has already been made. walking this thing out in the meantime. and thankful in advance for what he's doing in and through me. faith is his heart beat and i'm yearning each moment to get in step with that cadence.

~ m

'Jesus is my budddddy...'

2011-01-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

the pre-show before level 3:16's debut concert at impact '10, plus the concert, it was G-O-O-D. and those dancers, just straight fire...

see what i mean, check out the performance at the bottom of my blog. ~ m

spacebook

2011-01-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

She is a certified "hot mess alert" 24-7.

i'mma need my momma to stop calling facebook "spacebook." she just has her own way of doing things. she describes men being on 'the down low' as "downloading." i'm at the point where i don't even challenge her version of words anymore. they're all hot mess alerts.

~ m

"how fitting..."

2010-12-05T04:52:00.000-08:00

if you want to see a song that will take my reserved little self into full, prostrate worship before the Father, this is THE ONE. toward the end of the song, i'm always done, hands lifted, before the throne, lol...absolutely love this song, and it was one of several on cece's "alabaster box" album that led me into relationship with God in a personal way. God uses all kinds of things to bring people into relationship with Himself. how fitting that music would be what He used for this "melody"...

Close To You

2010-11-19T03:13:00.000-08:00

b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l... ~ m

Look Up - Tye Tribbett & GA featuring Kierra Kiki Sheard Live

2010-11-16T02:01:00.000-08:00

I really like this one... ~ m

Level 3:16 - Tell Em (Internal Conflict) Music Video

2010-11-15T22:34:00.000-08:00

DJ of Level 3:16

2010-11-15T22:33:00.001-08:00

TonicTV Episode: CMR/Impact Movement Partnership

2010-11-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

'for colored girls': one colored girl's perspective

2010-11-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

i saw this most amazing movie twice this week, for colored girls. i know there are many who would think such a decision was not so good of one. well, that's their opinion. my hilarious friend pam said that my two tickets were $20.00 in missionary support that i could have given to her. she's a hot mess. i'm cool with my two tens going to the movie and supporting black film work.

i enjoyed seeing it twice and the second time observing some things that the first time i didn't catch: like that the building most of the colored girls lived in, the majority of the women lived on the 5th floor, a building with no elevators...five flights of steps, up and down, up and down...the rigor, struggle, labor of the walking, climbing up those steps everyday, to go back home, to leave home...a beautiful, beaten up metaphor for the up and down, labor-filled, pulse of push for many black women, in simply just living. it's a struggle to live, to fight, for the single mother, to be mama and daddy, comforter and provider...for the business professional dealing with racism and sexism, trying to find her place in this incredibly jacked-up world...for the hopeful woman just wanting a good black man for herself in the sea of statistics, doubts and dilemmas...and so much more. those five flights of steps spoke volumes to me.

another thing i caught the second time i viewed the film is the bouquets of fresh flowers given to the lady in yellow (played by anika noni rose) and the lady in red (played by janet jacket). these 'fresh, real' flowers to me also serve as a powerful metaphor for the symbolic deaths that would soon be brought to both of these women by men in their lives. yellow flowers to yasmine, thought to represent a budding friendship only mask the deep depravity soon to implode her world, and the red roses to joanna, thought to represent a deep love from the man of her dreams only to cover the deep deception that would soon expose them and their hole-filled and crack-riddled marriage. hmm...'fresh, real, alive' flowers that could have just as well been fake, plastic, abrasive, cold imitations, for what they really represent is all those things and then some.

mmm....can you tell that i really enjoyed literature reviews, digging deep in bodies of literature and constructing papers in college and high school, ey? i sure did. i love thinking about and digging into what could be behind an author or director's intention in a body of work. makes the piece truly come to life because it gets to interact with the souls of people, their hearts, their minds, their questions, their struggles. and we learn as we ask the questions.

there's a lot i'd like to say about this movie. i'm a little tired right now and my eyes are heavy at 2:25am, but what i do want to put out in words is that the stories of these colored girls who've considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf, but are moving instead to the end of their rainbows is this: each of us has a voice we've been given on this earth. our voices carry our pains, our joys, our celebrations, our heartaches. but my God, they are our voices.

there's much suffering in the voices of african american women. suffering at the hands of this world, suffering at the hands of our men, suffering at the hands of outright sin. and yet, we still survive, we still live, we still move forward. one. step. at. a. time.

for me, as a colored girl, i know my gift of survival isn't tied up so much in my own ability and inner strength. it comes from Him. God made me a woman of color and as such, there's a history and an understanding of other stories of colored girls that i just automatically get. these are the stories i've been knowning, reading, hearing, understanding, grieving, cherishing from the griot experiences and literary thumbprints of storytelling aunties who created works of fiction based on works of real life, real struggle, like toni's 'song of solomon' and the pain of hagar, to her 'bluest eye' and the deep violations of pecola, to gloria's 'women of brewster place' and the overwhelming weight of their lives, plus zora's 'their eyes were watching God' and the incredible losses of janie.

the tragedies, the horrors, the pains of colored girls are a part of our stories, our histories. for what reason, i don't know. what i do know is that we live in a sick, fallen and deeply destructive world full of people who are reflection of the moral depravity around them and in them. and in such a contaminated place, the horrors and deep wounds of domestic violence, rape, abortion, murder, infidelity, reckless sexual behavior, infertility, shattered dreams, incest, silence and more are woven into the sin that we all share. we share it, we give it, we get it, we are broken by it, we are immersed in it. the sin that so easily ensnares...us, others, all of us. we are sinned against. we sin against others.

what is left of us? who can hear the voices of the broken, the fallen, the hopeless, the sinner-victim and the victim-sinner? who hears the voice of the colored girls who've considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf? i know that He hears. He hears and He responds, tenderly, lovingly, powerfully, strongly. we were made for more, we were made to know Him, be made complete through him and changed by His love. have you heard that He makes all things new? well, He does. and His love never stops, never quits, never ceases to keep on redeeming, keep on restoring, keep on renewing, keep on replenishing, keep on reconciling each of us that would hear His voice, submit to His love and be healed by all that He has to offer to destroy that what has taken the life out of us. He makes all things new and He gives live in the place of hole that death, disappointment and despair desire to dwell. especially for colored girls, every girl, because we are His ultimately, fully, solely, completely, His daughters. and He cares. He loves. He cherishes. and He makes all things new.

He is love.
and His name is God.
Everlasting.
The only true and living.
Almighty.
Eternal.
God.
and He's constantly loving and pouring out hope to those looking to a rainbow that won't ever be enuf, even when they get to the end of their rainbows...because there's so much more, in Him, through Him, because of Him. look beyond the rainbow. see the One who made it. meet the One who made it. He's waiting, waiting, for you.

~ m

does it even matter?

2010-10-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

really blessed to fellowship in community with a gathering of believers at summit church today in orlando. pastor issac hunter spoke authentically, poignantly and to the heart of the matter. the sermon text rested in the chronicles of the kings of israel and judah, specifically the story of king asa of judah, a man after God's own heart and man who was about bringing spiritual reform to his people who had lost their first love, God, and had lost much because they'd been placing their hearts into the hands of idol gods, false worship and other deprave items that were stealing their affection from God.

pastor issac spoke of a fellow believer he knew who was ready to let go of an addiction that had been crippling him and in the simplest epiphany shared that giving himself to anything other than Jesus promises to always take life from him. But Jesus is the only person who can GIVE life. powerful.

pastor issac also shared an amazing statement that began to bring tears to the edges of my eyes...he was in one part of the sermon and i really believe God gave him inspiration through the power of the Holy Spirit right then because he began to share that (and i paraphrase as best i can here): "i know there are some of you here even now that wonder if it's even worth it, does it even matter, your desire to live for God. you know you're not perfect, but you are trying your best to live a life that would glorify God and there are things you're doing and you wonder if it matters, does anyone even care? i want you to know that yes, yes, it does matter and God sees it and the fruit of what you're doing may not work out the way you want it to, but it will bear fruit and it will make a difference and God sees it..."

i've felt this way recently. there have been some situations in my life where i've been trying to be intentional in relationships, been trying to love well and love still with no guarantee of reply, been trying to be a better friend and have struggled with the question 'is it even worth it,' am i the only one fighting for this, and also there was a moment where i wanted to see God provide a situation to know someone better and He did, but the result was i walked away disappointed, saddened and hurt because of interactions with this person and realizing in wanting to get to know them, there was a whole lot about them i didn't know that shaped even how they communicate with others and just in their interactions...whew, it was just not what i hoped it to be at all. and now i feel awkward whenever i see them. i needed to give grace, God wanted me to give them grace...even while i was reeling from being hurt by some things they did and said to me in that experience. i think i gave grace...but i'm still hurt...and really want to move past that hurt.

and so, all of these situations provide the backdrop for my heart in hearing pastor issac's words today: i know there are some of you here even now that wonder if it's even worth it, does it even matter, your desire to live for God. you know you're not perfect, but you are trying your best to live a life that would glorify God and there are things you're doing and you wonder if it matters, does anyone even care?

in that moment of hearing those words, God spoke to me as my tears where nearing the edge of my eyelids. this is what He said (words that have come later as i processed that moment): 'Melody, I see what you're doing. i see how you've grown and matured from lessons in the past where you didn't love well and didn't care well for people in your life. i see how you've been moving toward people now, even in the fear and face of rejection, no response, being hurt and even wounded as you've sought to know people more, to know them well and be a part of their lives. I see you struggle through it, wrestle with it, and yet you keep moving forward, you keep moving toward people. And I see it, I see you and yes, it does matter. And I see it. And I'm blessed by it. You keep going, you keep trying, even when it hurts and you get hurt, I see you moving toward people, even through prayer for them. I see it. I see it and it matters. But more importantly, you matter, to me, so very much...'

i'm learning to love well is to love the way God loves. even when it's hard and it hurts. 1 corinthians 13: 1-7 is very beautiful in this way. i believe God is using these situations in my life right now, though they be hard, though they hurt and though they permit a certain sadness and disappointment to touch my heart, He's using them all to shape me to become even more like Him, to fight for what's worth fighting for, (loving God and loving His people is always worth fighting for), to love well when it's hard, to be available and present even when i may not receive love and intentional pursuit back quite the same way in how i give it, to give grace freely and unconditionally, to forgive freely as I've been given grace and forgiven by God's love.

it does all matter. my life totally matters. the relationships in this life are definitely mattering. and so, i continue to walk this journey as a Christ-follower, one heart beat at a time. love is leading the way.

"love is patient and kind. love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. it does not demand its own way. it is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. love never gives up, never loses faith, is always helpful, and endures through every circumstance..."

'Background' by Lecrae featuring C-Lite Video

2010-10-28T04:45:00.000-07:00

'yours to own' by trip lee featuring jimmy needham

2010-10-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

Verse 1:
Sometimes I sit and reflect on the life I'm leadin
It's goin so fast it is like I'm speedin
Sometimes I wake up and it's like I'm dreamin
Already 22? 16 was last weekend
Been a crazy year, dad died I'm grievin
Man I really miss him, I wish he was still breathin
Two days later got a wife I'm cleavin
Couple weddin pics caught your boy straight cheezin
Now tell me how I'm 'pposed to fight, can your boy stay firm?
In this life when the joys and the pains take turns
You're at work in our world where some things they burn
You're not honoured when your boy can't learn
How I must respond to Your works and the cards that You deal me
Aware of my frailty I'm beggin You to help me
How can I be a steward actin' healthy
I know Your grace won't fail me

Chorus
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done

Verse 2:
You placed me in the city that I'm in for a reason
Sent folks in my life that was friends for a season
Some exposed my flaws and my sin it wasn't pleasin
And others fell from the faith and was leavin
If I respond wrong I'm dishonorin' Your grace
And I'm kind of just a product of my mind and not the faith
But You are my Father the refiner full of grace
And You're the designer of my time and in my place
I could take the easy route and follow all the trends
Of my brothers and my sisters, pastors and my friends
It probably wouldn't lead to a disaster in the end
But I can't be followin the path You givin them
Yup, you made me me, with my own set of gifts
So I won't settle for less You bless You never miss miss
I'll be steward who You made me, steward where You place me
And I pray that You use me like crazy

Chorus:
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done

Verse 3:
You send the sun and the rain on Your servant Lord
Lord when You send them my way, I be respondin right way
You move and orchestrate the things in my life for good
I wanna use em in a way that shows em how Your grace acts
You been consistent every minute like I knew You would
I'm so in love with Your truths, I wanna trust You and move
I feel my confidence is high, Your providence for You I'm good good good
I've got no worries at all since I heard that You call

All of my life is Yours to own (It's Yours to own Lord), You orchestrate it all along (all along)
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done (yea)
All of my life is Yours to own (it's all Yours), You orchestrate it all along (it's all Yours)
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done
All of my life is Yours to own, You orchestrate it all along
And if my life is a cup come fill it up, so the whole world can see what You've done

So the whole world, so the whole world, so the whole world can see what You've done
So the whole world, so the whole world, so the whole world can see what You've done

'limitations' by trip lee featuring leah smith

2010-10-28T04:12:00.000-07:00

Verse 1:
You know we feelin like we can't move many times
So we waitin for a break through at any time
So many things that we can't do, we really fine
That any climb can be strangled and any grind
Can get tangled we get behind
And in the end they find, we feelin trapped like prison time
Got big vision, we're beginning tryin
But ain't grinnin when we gettin to the finish line

And we all feelin like we been tryin for too long
This day been racin through my mind for too long
I can't be runnin in place, do I need to save face and move on?

I watched friends fall short, I've seen many crimes
I watched my dad breath his last, we are really dyin
If I can grasp in my past, I see many times
When I was really tryin, but was limited by His design

Chorus:
This is the way that life will be, limitless You put limits on me
By Your grace, help us see, this is Your design
This is the way that life will be, infinite You made finite me
By Your grace, help us see, this is the way this is the way that life will be

Verse 2:
So many things that we wanna get our hands on
So many heights we wanna reach that we planned on
And we was thinkin we just missed our chance homes
But our reach ain't long enough no matter what we stand on
I'll never be the kind of rapper that I like to be (yea, yea)
And I can see all the books that I like to read (yea, yea)
And twice the speed all the folks that i'd like to reach
I like to speak, but i'm limited my might is weak

Though God was pleased with the creation of man
We still gotta understand the limitations of man
Many of us stuck in the days of the trance
Man, thinking we can do some things that we cant

You may be thinkin you beast but believe me
You still gotta sleep in the evening,
Ya you still gotta eat, need heat when its freezing
You peak for a season, but peep what we speakin

Chorus:
This is the way that life will be, limitless You put limits on me
By Your grace, help us see, this is Your design
This is the way that life will be, infinite You made finite me
By Your grace, help us see, this is the way this is the way that life will be

Verse 3:
I know some folks who ain't poor they crusin
We can work hard but if the Lord ain't movin
No fruit in store man before they ruin
They should trust God who supports they doin
We not in control of the earth He's the owner
One day we get work, next day we a goner
Humanity's not getting any stronger, so we shouldn't front any longer

Behold the God of wonders, He has no hunger
Never does He sleep or He slumber
He's never limited, no enemies can ever come up
We're the victory He's got the one up, He runs us (He runs us)

So let's submit to that King who's in the skies
This is something that we can't do in our pride
Humble yourself under His name dude He is God
All powerful until the end of time

Chorus:
This is the way that life will be, limitless You put limits on me
By Your grace, help us see, this is Your design
This is the way that life will be, infinite You made finite me
By Your grace, help us see, this is the way this is the way that life will be

This is the way that life will be, limitless You put limits on me
By Your grace, help us see, this is Your design
This is the way that life will be, infinite You made finite me
By Your grace, help us see, this is the way this is the way that life will be

calvinism & arminianism...now this is something that's quite interesting.

2010-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

so here's what i know...

2010-10-04T06:58:00.001-07:00

'It's very beautiful and awesome to worship God on the mountain, in the highs and joyous moments, but don't forget that our Saviour also did life most of the time in the valley. He walked through the valley, experienced the valley and expects His own to do the same. There's a richness, a depth that you acquire in knowing and trusting God in valley moments, many of them dark and painful, that you would not comprehend on the mountain. Let the valley shape your theology and get to know Him BETTER."

~ m

hottt WORDS: if you want to see the gospel of Jesus...

2010-09-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

hottt words #14: "if you want to see the gospel of Jesus and understand who He is, you need to see it through the lens of a community of people who follow Jesus...the message that Jesus is risen changes EVERYTHING we need to know about God's character..." - a teaching pastor from summit church, orlando, fl

total awesomeness. just a bunch of "total" and "awesomeness" pushed together between "that's" and "indeed." ~ m

a whole bunch of hottt WORDS: pay attention to the woman or women in front of you...

2010-09-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

i've been camping out with the mars hill church fam online this week. i think it's incredibly amazing that technology can be used in positive ways to connect people, convey beneficial information and help people grow more in God. that's what i've been experiencing through the gift of online sermons...blueprint church...zion church...epiphany fellowship...passion 4 christ movement...discovery church...mars hill church.

God is speaking to His people and the world at large...we gotta slow down, rest and turn our ears to what He's saying. often, He uses pastors and Bible teachers to share His truth, knowledge and understanding. He's passionate and adamant about reprogramming us from the pollution of lies and thorns of deception we've breathed in and stumbled through in this very fallen, tainted, sinful and broken world.
God desires us to know Him fully. one of the ways we can do this is by listening to Him fully. i've been listening quite a bit this week. mars hill church has an incredible online sermon library...probably everything you could think to want to learn about as it relates to God and life and faith and hardships and truth and love and sex and relationships and the Bible and more, you'll probably find it here.

the mars hill sermon series, "the peasant princess" by pastor mark driscoll is based on the song of solomon, and changed my life this week. as a single Christian woman who desires to be married to a godly Christian man in the near future, learning about marriage, husband-wife relationships, the importance of communication and the more important truth that service and a servant's heart must be a part of a healthy marriage has incredibly rocked my world. the truth i've gain from this sermon series has laid more positive layers of biblical truth and healthy theology in this area of my life about marriage.

and you know what? many of us, because of family history - dad not being there (whether physically or emotionally), or mom not being there (whether physically or emotionally) - didn't have the advantage of growing up in an environment where solid, Christian principles laid a healthy spiritual foundation for us in the areas of marriage, sex, male-female relationships and the like. i believe it's healthy to acknowledge that reality, see the hole that's there, even grieve for what you didn't get or missed out on. but at some point, as a healthy, growing adult, it's time to take responsibility for the years ahead that you do have and seek out, with intention, godly teaching, instruction and truth that can shape your spiritual and emotional life, especially in the area of male-female relationships and God's purpose for marriage and sex.

i'd encourage you to look at resources like "the peasant princess" as if they were Father-son or Father-daughter talks directly from God to you...let Him speak to you as He uses pastors and Bible teachers who love Him to deliver His truth to you. You may not have had a biological father or mother to share these truths with you. but you do have spiritual fathers, like pastor mark, your own pastor, and many others, pouring out their lives daily so that many would know what God's heart is about these things. they want to see the captives set free. but even more than that, you've got an incredible heavenly Father whose love for you is simply indescribable. i think that's just the hotness right there.

pastor mark driscoll is the teaching pastor for mars hill church, which is located on the west coast, near seattle, wa. today, i listened to message #2 in "the peasant princess" series, "sweet to my taste." it's really amazing. you gotta take a listen for yourself. there were several awesome quotes by pastor mark from that sermon message, here are a few:

"we studied this in the book of ruth. i always tell guys, 'pay attention to the women that God puts in front of you. boaz is out and ruth is right in front of him in the providence of God...she loved God and she was amazing and it's one of the great love stories in the Bible. pay attention to the woman or women God puts in front of you in His providence. so i'd say, if you're loving God and serving God and living your life for Him, look at the women who are doing the same around you...too many guys look over amazing women when they need to pay attention to the women in front of them."

"men, you don't pursue a woman unless you're wanting to seriously consider marriage with her. otherwise, you're violating a trust. men, you should not be looking for a girlfriend, you should be looking for a wife, geesh..."

"the issue is not where is the line (i.e. how far can we go?), the question is when is the time, and when is the time: MARRIAGE."

"the truth is there is no practice for covenant. co-habitation is not preparation for covenant. two people living two lives sharing one bed is not the same as one man, one woman coming together as one flesh. you don't practice for covenant (with other people)...(the only way is) you practice for covenant by living in covenant relationship with Jesus and that's the only preparation for covenant for marriage you need, not living and sleeping together...bottom line: satan's still a liar. bottom line: God still tells the truth."

whew. wow. and whoa. all of that is something to think about. i think what God's saying to us is that ultimately, in every area of our lives, He wants us to do life His way, which means not our way or the world's way or our desire's way, but God's way. His way is the best way because it protects us, safeguards us, prepares us and gives us His best, guaranteed, 10 times out of 10. When we do it God's way (no pun intended, but hey, it's true!) - life, love, relationships, sex, work, children, purpose, passion - we will always get His best.

the reality is none of us have always chosen His best in every area of our lives. but today's a great day to push the 're-start' button. we gotta say, in the words of one pastor "hell NO," to the lies, to the deception, to the counterfeits, and turn in a completely opposite way and head straight toward God and the best He so desires to give us. God's way is the best way because with His way we will always get His best.

this is where i'm living...a girl after God's own heart, seeking His very best. okay, i'm done and my eyes hurt from all this typing. i pray the read has been good for you, and i hope you do check out "the peasant princess" and please share this blog post with friends, young and older, who need to hear God's heart about these things. laters peeps.

~ m

theology forever changed...

2010-09-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

i believe and know my approach to theology's been forever changed. still reflecting on an amazing woman i met in the ATL two weeks ago. she shared her testimony at blueprint church about her daughter's battle with schizophrenia and how that battle with mental illness in the clutches of spiritual warfare during a very dark season drove her to know more about the God she trusted, who he was, his character, his heart, his great love for her, so she went to seminary in search of Him and got MORE theology.

theology simply is = learning, studying more about God. it is the study of God and his relationship to us as people and the world around us. through a sound, growing and ever developing personal theology, we can really dig deep and know more about an incredible God and how he loves us and wants us to know him more and more, like a great novel whose pages continue to be read over and over, as we discover pages we didn't even know were there.

i believe one's theology has got to be based on more than what you learn and acquire from the teachings of other believers. those teachings on the faith and on God are very good, but there's something so unique and priceless about discovering God for YOURSELF that no other person can give you, especially in times of trouble, dismay, darkness and the valleys when you have got to remember what God showed you in the light...never forget in the darkness what God has shown you in the light, especially about Himself. and these are exactly the words of truth i was blessed with from the amazing woman i mentioned earlier.

her name is Elahe (pronounced like el-ah-hey)...spelled the best way i could remember from how her name sounded and she's an iranian american. she's made an indelible imprint on my life and my walk with God because of her testimony of faith and how she determined in her heart to go deeper with him when the dark seasons and valleys of life come because He WILL be there: "Bear one another's burdens...I have truly tasted the Lord and He IS good..." - Mrs. Elahe

you can listen to and also download the actual message her testimony is featured in, "in the dark: light at the end, pt. 2," from blueprint church here.

~ m

A Great VIDEO, With Some Great SOUL...

2010-09-08T22:53:00.000-07:00

Rhema Soul premiered the new video, "Fly Away" on Monday, September 6, 2010 at 2pm, exclusively on www.rhemasoul.com.

In essence, "Fly Away" is social commentary. Delving into themes such as infatuation, abuse, and the state of the family at large, "Fly Away" pulls no punches, bringing to light subject matter which is seldom discussed, particularly in gospel music.

The music video, told in a narrative format, peers into the lives of individuals struggling with issues of identity and self worth, while ultimately communicating a message of hope and acceptance.

Rhema Soul is an incredibly talented trio hailing from South Florida who have been lighting up the Hip-Hop scene for quite some time. After two critically acclaimed albums (Worn Soles, 2007) (Dope Beats, Good News, 2008) and extensive travels throughout the country and world, Rhema Soul is back with a fresh sound and energetic show. The success of singles, “Giving it up”, the worship infused, “All You Are” featuring Hillsong United, and “Steez,” propelled Rhema Soul to a new level, earning them awards, (Just Plain Folks Music Awards winners for Best Hip Hop album) nominations, (The music video for “Steez” was nominated for Best Video by The Gospel Music Channel) and rave reviews.

“We don’t like to be labeled, so we let the music speak for itself,” says the female emcee of the group, Butta P. From Worship to Hip Hop, the seasoned Rhema Soul has carved a unique path entirely their own, one which is sure to cater to mass audiences of all backgrounds and musical preferences. Ultimately, the heartbeat of Rhema Soul is ministry, communicating a message of love and hope, through the medium of song. “It’s more than music, says Butta P. “It’s a movement.” Rhema Soul's latest national release, Fingerprints, an eclectic mix of Hip Hop and Soul, is available now through Good City Music and Infinity Distribution.

Noteworthy:

Suicide:

Every year there are approximately 10 youth suicides for every 100,000 youth
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among those 15-24 years old

Fatherlessness:

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
85% of all youth sitting in prisons

Sexual Abuse:

1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
In as many as 93 percent of child sexual cases, the child knows the person that commits the abuse.