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| Photo by Cuba Gallery. |
I was asked to share my story from the perspective of a single/female/artist/Christ follower/missionary and the current longings and hunger of the soul that accompany that combination. There are three questions I've been asked to answer and thought my ponderings would also be some great fodder as a blog post:
1. What's the honest longings and frustrations that come from this season of your life? As a writer, I'm constantly seeing and experiencing life through the beauty of words and the "new chapter hope" that storytelling brings. I have these ideals, desires, longings for my life and this season of my life, and there's often the "sweet, perfect ending" that accompanies those desires: a thriving relationship with God where he remains my first love, the start of a wonderfully amazing dating relationship that leads to a godly marriage, a thrilling, successful career in ministry that changes lives and expands God's kingdom. As a single Christian woman, I long to be known, understood, pursued, longed for, desired. My heart and dreams often wander to the future: marriage, motherhood, raising a godly family with eternity in mind, publishing my writings, growing as a writer, developing as a creative. I find myself frequently fast-forwarding in my mind to a future that's fuller, deeper, more significant than the present I'm currently dwelling in. And not that my present is all that shabby, there's fulfillment and there's beauty in my life now. But there's this nagging sense that upcoming chapters of my life are supposed to be happening, parts of my life haven't begun, but there's also this sense that it's not time for those things yet. Living with those honest longings is difficult, and frustrating when I see others in my life beginning their "chapters," toward dating relationships, marriages, honing their craft and talents. The question I often say to myself and ask God is "What about me, what about ME?" Sometimes that question makes me feel so selfish and a bit self-centered. But the heart of the longing is an honest one. And asking that question enables me to be honest with God and myself and speak my truth: There are parts of me that don't feel complete. There are parts of me that feel like I'm missing out on something that others have. And yet God is the one who makes me complete and he's the one who gives the right gifts at the right time in my life. Will I choose to listen to him as he speaks to these parts of me in this season?
2. What do you wish for the future of your life frustrations and longings? I wish God's best, quite honestly for how these frustration and longings will play out in the story that is my life. We have such a small window of time for living on this planet. I want to live intentionally, honestly and passionately in all that I do. The frustrations are real and the longings deep. I wish for God's best and his sovereign plans to unfold for each longing and desire. I have to be honest and admit even when I don't see it myself that my longings sometimes, at their core still contain a root of selfishness and self-centeredness. I don't want to cheapen God's purposes for my life through the application of my selfishness on those purposes. I count it a gift to even be able to recognize this. I pray God's best in the journey.
3. How do you experience hope/God in the midst of the complicated nature of your daily life? The role of the Holy Spirit in my life is a powerfully significant one. He's such a gift, such a gift to the believer. In the midst of the complicated nature of my daily life, I experience his truth, I hear his voice and I'm constantly challenged moment by moment to follow his lead. Many times when I want to move toward the future and those longings, he checks me so quickly, challenging me on how I'm living my present right now. Am I stewarding what he's already given me in this season, in my writings and work I'm supposed to be doing but moving slow on? Am I working in excellence in my job and raising the bar in areas he's given me wisdom and strategy to? Am I fully engaged in the relationships that are in my life right now, in this season? And the most compelling questions: Am I completely in love with the Lord my God? Does he have my entire heart? Am I letting him satisfy me? Is he my first love? Am I rooted and grounded in him? 'Cause if I don't get those answers right nothing else truly matters. He's my foundation and my hope in the midst of all the longings and curve balls that come in the complications of my life. So, God's constantly challenging me through the voice of his Spirit, prodding me, "How are you living your life now Melody?" I step back and I consider anew where I'm at and the truth that to those much is given, much is required. I want to receive so much and yet struggle with what all is required of me as a result. God continues to show me this in fresh ways. I'm learning still.
~ m
I absolutely LOVE this. Its soo honest.
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