Often times I feel hidden, tucked away, a gem surrounded by unseen barriers, enclosures, markings, buffers. I’m seen and yet I feel unseen. I’m known and yet I feel unknown. The markers around me and sealing upon me is not of my own doing. I recognize a Triune plan at work that is purposeful and timed out to the smallest degree. My head gets it but my heart hates it. I want to yell at the top of my three decade-old lungs “I’m here! I’m here! Can you see me? Does anyone see me? I’m beautiful, smart, witty, comical, talented, creative, strategic, innovative, loving, gentle, empathetic, trendsetting and I want to be loved. I want to love. Who will love me? Does anybody see me?”
He keeps me hidden, for a purpose I can’t see and don’t understand right now. My head gets it but my flesh hates it. I know I’m a diamond, a rare gem that’s been refined and developed through the harshest elements and fiercest storms. I know I’m a gift that everyone is not meant to see, only one, the 1 that my Father selects for me. But my heart craves and my soul and flesh ache for the fluid vocal affirmations of a deep, baritone voice now, the vivid, eye-catching glance that accompanies a muscular, chiseled face with delicious lips that say “You are amazing and I gotta get to know you,” the approval of strong hands and the security of firm shoulders that will protect me, embrace me, cover me as his eyes say I belong to him and he wants me, he sees me...he loves me.
And yet, I’m still hidden, still tucked away, not for sale and not on display. And I can’t even put myself on display without my Father’s approval, anything less would create much dismay. So I stay, and I wait and I live and I go and I love and I do and I see all the world has for me to see in its beauty and challenges, joys and meanderings, heartaches, headaches, heartbreaks and soul shakes. I live hidden and yet I’m very much alive. I live hidden and yet very much so alive. I live hidden. I am alive.
By Melody L. Copenny
Written November 21, 2011
I soo understand this. I swear I was just thinking this. Then I moved home and started working for Dallas County Sheriff's office. Now I am seen and I hate it! Okay I like the attention but I am learning that my idea of how this whole dating thing is supposed to work is not how it works. People are broken. Men are broken and have hurts and hang ups. For the first time ever a guy asked for my number and he came correct in every sense of it, the problem is that he is married (separated) with 2 kids and 32 yrs old. He's been pursuing for a while but to no avail. Now I have this guy who has been hurt. 27, single, no kids, deputy (great job), knows God (not sure how well) but doesnt know what he wants. Again pursued me. Has not come correct every time but makes a point to let me know he's interested by stopping by and saying "the right thing." I hate this. I am realizing my standard of men in Christ. I want someone who is courageous, faithful, a provider, kind, gentle, forgiving,pursues and loves. But what Im getting doesnt even compare. Honestly we are definitely at different stages. I am not looking for anything close to serious just someone to kick it with and hang with. Nothing physical all quality time. But man Mel, I swear I understand this. I sooo understand. Okay end vent. Ultimately I think its all about location.
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