All My Single Ladies: The Benefits

Two days ago, I was challenged by one of my mentors (after I had a mini-meltdown about my current season of singleness, the struggles of living as a Christian woman, trusting in God's timing for a husband, waiting to be revealed to the right one at the right time, when will it be my time, blah, blah, blah), to "Count your blessings as it pertains to your singleness, this will help you focus on the present." Those are some great, soul-shaking, truthful and life-giving words.

Well, I accept that challenge and here's my answer to what those benefits are for me right now:

Photo by Snow In The Desert.

1. The only person's unmentionables i.e. underwear, socks and all others that are worn under clothing as well as worn over undies I'm responsible to clean are my own. No mountains and rolling hills of laundry here for me to maneuver through. At most I do about two to three medium loads a week. Me and my Gain detergent get it in quite nicely and Downy adds to the fun.

2. If I don't feel like cooking, I don't have to. Now, depending on the look of my bank account, eating out may not be an option either (Financial Peace University, I'm holding it down). A bowl of cereal just may have to suffice, but having to prepare a meal or thinking about what I'd need to prepare are thoughts I'm free of.

3. Zoom, zoom, zoom. If I want to get up and go (with God's go ahead, and making sure other responsibilities are taken care of), I can just go. I'm free to hop into social activities, trips, adventures and last minute excursions without needing to figure out how it will affect other familial commitments in my life. I've often been told by married women, especially those with children that the freedom to just "go" whenever and wherever one wants to is such a blessing.

4. Freedom to make financial decisions and purchases. I do have to run things by the Lord quite often and remain accountable to stewardship areas I'm practicing. If I've budgeted well and the "clothing" cash envelope is ready, hello Off Broadway shoes! Here I come, Nine West and Michael Shannon pumps!

5. No runny noses, potty training, or diaper Genies at the moment. As a single woman, the only kids I'm responsible for at present are the ones I teach bi-weekly during DC Kids service at my church (those 5 and 6 year olds are a hot mess), the ones I mentoring weekly at Restore Orlando (more hot mess alerts in progress), and any I'm blessed enough to babysit for dear friends of mine (The Murray tribe, The Restuccia duo, The Johnson comical trio, and The Cushman chicas, come to mind).

6. I have an incredible amount of time available to me to spend time with God and serve him fully. The fact that I can have a four-hour plus quiet time with God if I want to is simply amazing. I've read accounts about wives and moms who can only find those quiet moments alone with God in their bathrooms, the one place they can be alone for some feasible period of time! One wife and mom who had a whole bunch of kids shared that the place she found solitude was literally lifting her apron over her head while sitting on her kitchen floor and communing with God in those moments! Lord have mercy. Whew, to much is given so much is required. I'm thankful for what I've been given and I'm learning to be content where I am.

7. I have an incredible amount of time available to myself! I think this is one of the biggest things a single can take for granted. My time, a part from God's direction, is my own. If I want to sleep in on a Saturday, I say "Bonjour" to my powder blue pillow and lazily lumber toward it while hitting the snooze button. If I want to take a three-hour bike ride with a friend on a Sunday afternoon, Camille (my bike) gets put in the back of Jadon (my car) with the seats pulled down, and I'm off for some Cady Way Trail adventures. If I want to blog on my day off for four to five hours, blog I shall. If I get the inkling to make pizza from scratch with fresh pesto or create my own chocolate covered pretzels as a snack, let's pull out the cutting boards out and get "Cooking for Real" like Ms. Sunny Anderson. If I want to work on my dream board all afternoon, creativity can lead me and it's cutting and pasting to my heart's content. The time that I have available to me is truly an incredible gift. I'm realizing now that I take it for granted way to often.

Canton Jones: The King of Christian Hip Hop
Crunk Music!

8. I can listen to whatever music I wanna in my car. Since I drive solo most days, if I wanna put Canton Jones' "Living Clean" on repeat 10x or MORE, who's there to say "Girl, stop it!,"? I got complete ownership of the 6-Disc CD player and iPod, pow. "You got total control like a puppet master, I'll be the church, let you be the pastor..."

9. I can watch episodes of "Designing Women" on YouTube and laugh my head off silly without getting on a significant other's nerves 'cause they're tired of me singing the "Black man, black man, where did you come from black man? Where did you go?" song that Bernice sings all the time to Anthony. The writing on that show was just incredible.

10. If my bathroom and subsequent hall closet looks like a mini-version of the local pharmacy because of all the beauty products that abound on the counters and shelves, it's okay because all that space is mine, mine, mine! Organizing shelves would help me out a good deal. But I'm cool with the craziness for now.

There are more things I could write as benefits. These are the ones I'm experiencing the most right now. A good friend one said, "The grass is greener on the other side because someone watered it there." My cousin Brian has also said, "The grass is greener on the other side because someone poo-pooed over there too!" For our purposes today, the former challenge is the one we'll stick with! Water the grass where you are now. Focus on the life you have right before you, in this moment. Make that grass green and be present. I believe I see new blades of green popping up for me and more on the horizon.