sometimes, one of the biggest challenges in life is dealing with a potential enemy that's not external but instead internal, in the body. such is the wrestling those who are sick, ailing or infirmed must work through. be it a physical affliction, an identified disease, a persistent syndrome, a lingering emotional burden, to know your own body is the culprit is quite shocking, discouraging and debilitating indeed.
i am in awe that God would grant me the gift and the space to experience this type of journey in this season of my life, at the age of 31. a scan this friday will determine what is the culprit behind the abnormal mass in my lower left abdomen area. it could be fibroid related. it could be something else. and yet, i'm experiencing the same type of worry, concern, disbelief, sadness and undone heart many experience when they learn their bodies are too, so affected by the result of the fall and the entrance of sin in the world.
our bodies became just as prone to attack by sin and its affects that lead to destruction and decay, just as much as our souls are. it is hard to realize my body, even if it's not intentionally doing it, is betraying me with this abnormal mass. maybe it's too much fibroid muscle growing in my uterus, an ailment that afflicts many women of color. maybe it is something else.
what i must hold fast two in this day three of accepting and walking this road of reality toward the scan is that my God is in control and He, the self-existing one is my help. that is truth. that is truth. i am also in awe that He would grace me with the gift of writing to pen in words emotions, feelings, struggles, joys, faith and hope in this journey that many are also experiencing but don't know how to describe. i am honored for the gift of this struggle and the way it makes me cling to Him in faith, because it will be a testament of His love, power and glory to those around me and those to come. may i use my voice well. ~ m
*update: scan from the week of may 18, led to a GYN specialist referral, which led to a second specialist referral to another GYN physician, skilled in female reproductive health. that appointment confirmed i do have fibroids, and has now produced two upcoming exams/tests the week of june 10. these exams will identify how many fibroids and how they are growing, which will then provide direction on the best treatment for them. the journey continues.
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