the last ones: my journey in weight loss and healthy eating

Photo by Rob Owen-Wahl.

i've been on a journey the last two and 1/2 years. it's a journey of freedom, discovery, hardship, discipline and re-learning self-control. it's a journey of going from being 251 lbs. and moving toward my goal weight of 196 lbs. being tall has given me the advantage of carrying my weight in ways that don't make it seem like i've been overweight, but the scale doesn't lie.
the journey began july 2009 and since then i've lost about 20 lbs. and have kept those pounds off. as i've lost the weight, i've also begun to see reasons why i've looked to food for comfort, enjoyment and peace much of my life. when i started, i was nearly 60 lbs. overweight.

where did that weight come from? why didn't i notice it for such a long time? why did it take the threat of long-term high blood pressure to shock me into reality to do something about my weight and change? so many questions that i needed answers for. the journey has begun to answer these questions. i'm daily unpacking the whys behind the weight, but i know one reason is that i really enjoy food!

i love the way food tastes. i'm thankful for my salvation in Jesus Christ, but i am also very thankful for the blessing of taste buds. bless the Lord, oh my soul. i've come to realize, though, a love for anything can also become an addiction, especially when it's not tempered with discipline and self-control.

Me, summer of 2007, having fun yet unaware  
of my need to take a good look at my health.

looking back on my childhood, when i was younger i'd eat things just not knowing how the calories and bad nutrition would affect my body. i was ignorant. i just didn't know. but i know now and i have the knowledge to make better choices. another reason i believe stems from an emotional wound and absence in my early years. 


my daddy and my momma separated by the time i was four. i probably didn't realize it all, but my soul and heart missed him and needed his regular presence. i grew up much of my younger and teen years without him. food became a place to become happy, to eat and enjoy the feelings of sweet, savory, juicy, salty and mmm-mmmmm-good that each taste would give me. 

i can even remember being really little, like 5 or 6 and hiding in a kitchen closet, eating a orange sherbet push-up, i remember the tangy, smooth sweet flavor, the rush of eating it fast enough before my mom found me. why was i hiding? and that trend to eat food, to sneak it and hide from my mom, especially late at night, continued to develop as i got older. more to unpack with this reason and the others in a future blog post, but this brief summary provides you with some context for my relationship with food.

i'm now faced with the LAST ONES, the last 35 pounds left to lose for me to reach my goal. i've changed so much in how i approach food and how i approach exercise. my body has responded to the cardio and strength training, becoming leaner, stronger and finer! heyyyy. i'm just saying.

Me, pictured right, with my sister Patrice. This photo was taken
December 2006, I was probably between 245 lbs. - 250 lbs. 

here's a recent message i sent to some sisters of mine who are praying for me in this journey, holding me accountable, and even have provided financial gifts toward the purchase of my personal training sessions because they believe in me and want to see me reach this goal. life was never to be done in isolation; we were made for community with one another, fellowship, relationship. i'm very grateful for this.

March 16, 2011: "Hey y'all! Sending an update your way to let you know how this journey with the LAST ONES is coming along. I've been blessed with an amazing personal trainer. She trains me every Wednesday at my gym from 6am-7am. Her name is Damaris, I believe she's Puerto Rican, she's 37 years old, and get this: she used to weigh about 220 lbs!!!

That's a lot considering she's about 5 feet tall. She literally looks like Jillian Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" now, petite, all-muscle, lean and toned, and she lost all that weight working out, eating better and caring well for her body. She now gets great joy helping others lose weight and get healthy. It's been thabomb.com to train with her these last five weeks.

Me with my good friend Charlotte, September 2010 at
a friend's wedding. I'd gotten down to the low 230s.

I started out at 232 lbs. when we began training. A little ways in, I deceived myself, yielded to sin and lack of eating discipline, specifically around Valentine's Day weekend, and just about lost my mind eating all kinds of sugar and carbs. I believed the lie that, "oh, I'm working out, so I can cheat a little here."

The result: the following week when I weighed myself, I'd gained 5lbs. Not good. So, Damaris laid out the rules, made it clear if I was really in this to lose weight, I had to get serious about this. No carbs, if at all possible, after 6pm. No sweets and cupcakes and ice cream and cookies during the week.

I could enjoy a good meal that i really wanted on the weekend and a small sweet. Commit to working out 6 days a week. 45 minutes of cardio at least 3- 4 days a week. Increasing how much water I drink. And journaling my food, so she could see what I'd been eating and instruct me on what needed to change.

I'm in this to win this, so she got no protest from me. I was ready to commit and make the changes. The next week, I'd lost weight and was down from 237 lbs. to 234 lbs. The following weeks, was up a little, 235 lbs, then down a little to 234 lbs. Last Wednesday, weighed in at 231 lbs. This Wednesday, weighed in at 234.lbs. The scale fluctuates, man, does it fluctuate.

But, I told her I'd had some brown rice after 6pm last night and two small pieces of chocolate, and hadn't had as much water the last few days, or as much cardio workouts. She told me as women, our weight will fluctuate often. She thinks this 3 lb. gain is partly some of the carbs from last night and partly some of the muscle my body is building from strength training.

But here's the thing that really shot some excitement and adrenaline into my soul today: she did my measurements, and since my first measurement February 9th, I've LOST 6 inches off my body!!! Pow-pa-pow. That's very encouraging, and my clothes have been fitting differently. Sometimes you have to track a little more with inches lost vs. what the scale says...but we both want to see more loss on the scale and consistent pounds dropping.

So, you can definitely pray I'd shed more pounds consistently weekly. Pray I'd be disciplined to journal my food and eat on track. I have a guideline to follow for breakfast, am snack, lunch, pm snack, dinner, and evening snack. It's low carb, high veggies, fruit, some dairy and protein. Also pray I'd be disciplined to get my 45 - 50 minute cardio workouts in those 3-4 days during the week."

February 2011.

well, i'm one toner sister continuing on the journey to say good-bye to the last ones. some recent photos are below of me since i first created this blog post. i will be very happy to see those last ones leave.

July 2011.

December 2011.